Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Christian Blogger States: If Your Wife Hates Sex, Just Don't Look At Her Face

In response to THIS:

BTW : If you can't take a joke or don't understand satire please MOVE ON.

Men- are you sometimes too tired, too drunk, or too old to get a boner when your wife wants sex? Maybe you are not as attracted to her as you were when you first got married, I'm not saying you don't LOVE your wife, but hey it happens to most men sometimes, yes?

Well that doesn't matter. You must please your wife, whenever she asks, whenever she wants it. It doesn't matter if you spent all day at work or if you just got done mowing the lawn. This is a woman who launders your socks, has your babies, cares about whatever mundane task has consumed hours of your day. She loves and respects you; so when she needs the sex you are obligated by God to give her the sex.

They make many different kinds of enhancements to help you if you feel you are falling short in your duties to perform at the standard she requires. Pills, pumps, drinks, creams, even doctors whose radio ads tell us over and over again how they can help you out if you are not getting it up like you used to. You wouldn't want to disappoint your wife, would you?

 It is common knowledge that women want sex more than men, I mean if she isn't getting it from you, who is she getting it from? Women are insatiable and only controlled by their vagina's, in fact orgasm addiction can be an issue with some women.  If you can't get your member up and at-tum then feel free to use your tongue, fingers or toys until such a time you are at full stamina again.

It is a SIN for you to turn away your wife, she owns you through those wedding vows you made. Even if you are not enjoying it, or don't want it, you must act like you do and comply. How would she feel if you made love to her with an annoyed expression on your face? "Fake it till you make it" guys.  You are the horse she has bought to ride when she wants to. Even if you can't climax yourself it is your duty as her husband to see to her pleasure.

Women- does your husband have issues getting into it when you want to have sex? Do you sometimes come home from the park with your kids or a tough day at the office or even school and want to jump his bones simply to have him agree but be unresponsive and feel like he is just trying to get you off as soon as possible so he can go have a beer or go back to bed?

Look, we know you love your husband, but sometimes he is going to be going against God's will by not wanting to have sex with you. We know, hard to believe, right?  There is a simple solution to this: Have him fuck you doggy style or in any position where you don't have to look at his dumb bored face. Focus instead on his hands on your hips and his thrusting, the way his skin smells or hell, just focus on you, because that's what this is all about: YOU.

Maybe he can't get it up for numerous reasons, sometimes they may be legitimate, but mostly it's just his whining.  Even if his dick won't work, other parts of him are more than capable of taking care of your needs, gently remind him of that and if he still doesn't understand then take a more forceful approach.

God says it is a sin for your husband to neglect your physical needs, if he is uninterested in sex or refusing you outright he is going against the Lord and may need to be punished. Just remember it is not your fault and suggest that your husband may need to spend some time praying over the sins he is committing against you and God in refusing to lay with you like husband and wife.

Remember: He is a horse you purchased, you don't need permission to make him pull your plow.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Getting Rid of the Stigma- SEX!!

This next month or two I am focusing on a series of blogs telling the stories of women. About their first sexual encounter, their periods, miscarriages, abortions, adoption, pregnancies and all the things that society has developed stigma's surrounding.

We shouldn't talk about menstruation it's so gross, we should hide and be ashamed of our abortions, we should grieve in silence when it comes to a miscarriage or fertility issues, we should feel dirty if we engage in any type of sexual experience or experimentation or heaven forbid are willing participants in any sort of sex work. Women are paid less money and our body standards are ridiculous, we are told to feel bad if we keep a baby and we are single, hello! God says you need to be married first! But hey, that abortion you want? Nope nada, nothing.

This will be the last in this series, thanks for reading!!

Sorry it took so long to write this up, life happens, right??




Are you embarrassed yet? Let me say it again SEX! You shouldn't be ashamed of having it or of enjoying it. Everyone has their own set of rules in regards to it. My personal ones are pretty simple and have changed over the years.

1) Be SAFE

2) Use BIRTH CONTROL (unless you are TRYING to get pregnant)

3) If you can't remember the first names or nicknames of all your sexual partners you have probably had too many.


5) Don't have sex until 18, mainly because in case the birth control fails you won't have to worry about being a mom in high school.


7) Make sure your PARTNER enjoys themselves

8) Don't have sex simply to have it, have it because you WANT it.

9) Listen to your body, don't let anyone pressure you into anything you are not comfortable doing.

10) One night stands are great, but the best sex if with someone who actually cares about you and has figured out what you like.

Alright, I guess I could give you a ton of statistics like in my last posts, but I won't I think that the stories I collected are the better proof that sex is sex and we should be able to talk about it freely, own any mishaps and not be judged by our choices.

Age of time of story 15

I didn't really want to, but it was leading somewhere, there was no condom....I didn't want to say no but I felt like I had to do SOMETHING! So I gave my very first and very awkward hand job, he seemed to like it, though later told me next time I could use the lotion on his night stand or just give him a blow job if I wasn't ready for real sex. I felt really weird and went right home and googled, "how to give a great blow job."

Age at time of story 21

I was in college and really nervous, so I wound up at a bar, simply looking for a guy who wouldn't mind poppin my cherry. My girlfriends helped and soon enough I was drunk and chatting away with a pretty cute guy a few years older than me. We went back to his place (so dangerous now that I look back on it!) I was excited and nervous until time for the actual sex. It was really boring! I could see the TV over his shoulder and Friends was on, the one where Joey gets his head stuck in the Turkey. Thankfully I've had much better sex since then.

Age at time of story 18

We had been fooling around a lot over about three months and I knew he was getting pretty inpatient. I had really enjoyed everything we had done up to that point, so during a heavy make-out session with me in a bra and panties I gave the ok, he pushed aside my underwear and slid right in. It kind of hurt, but it also felt really good. Afterwards the worst part was man did it burn when I had to pee, but I got over it. I walked back into the bedroom and asked, "When can we do that again?" He laughed at me and simply held out his arms.

Age at time of story 26

He was in the closet still, but way more experienced, about 15 years older than me. We started off just chatting online and then a few simple dates, a coffee shop, a book store. Each time he got guiltier and guiltier. Finally I pushed him, I knew he had been with other men, I hadn't and wanted him. He finally gave in, he was really aggressive. While the deed was being done all I could think was, "I never want to do this again."

Age at time of story 17

It was my first time with a girl, I didn't even realize you could lose your V card with a woman. Let me tell you losing it with fingers and a vibrator hurts really bad!!! I am so glad I will never have to do that again.

Age at time of story 30

It was awesome, I had waited a long time and that was my choice. I met a great guy we dated for about a month before making love for the first time. I felt really embarrassed the entire time, the sex was okay and I bled a bit more than I thought I would. The best part was afterwards he ran me a bath and left me to soak with bath salts for half an hour. It made me feel so much better and be much more receptive the second time around!

Age at time of story 14

On the floor of his bedroom after being told, "if you love me you will." He was 16. He dumped me a week later.

Age at time of story 19

Back.seat.of.a.toyota.camry. It was uncomfortable, not horrible. He got jizz all over and it was his brother's car. We had to scrub it out, we laughed the whole time.