Friday, September 11, 2015

Getting Rid of the Stigma- Abortion #shoutyourabortion

This next month or two I am focusing on a series of blogs telling the stories of women. About their first sexual encounter, their periods, miscarriages, abortions, adoption, pregnancies and all the things that society has developed stigma's surrounding.

We shouldn't talk about menstruation it's so gross, we should hide and be ashamed of our abortions, we should grieve in silence when it comes to a miscarriage or fertility issues, we should feel dirty if we engage in any type of sexual experience or experimentation or heaven forbid are willing participants in any sort of sex work. Women are paid less money and our body standards are ridiculous, we are told to feel bad if we keep a baby and we are single, hello! God says you need to be married first! But hey, that abortion you want? Nope nada, nothing.

September 18th will be stories of women who dealt with miscarriages or fertility issues.

If you would like to contribute a story to the collection it will be anonymous, only the age you were at the story's time. I want women to feel they can share without the fear of harassment, however if you would like me to include your name or online handle, please let me know. Email me at damianarose777@gmail.com







ABORTION

(Tiny rant)

Oh dear Goddess, did I just type that and in BIG print? Yes I fucking did.  Abortion in LEGAL in the United States, just so you know. When you try and limit who can access safe affordable abortions people get PISSED OFF.

I attended the rally in Utah to support Planned Parenthood after our Governor decided to illegally defund them. Not only does this hurt women's health care in a major way (STD testing, pregnancy testing, cervical cancer screening, the giving of birth control) but  it is just another way conservatives are trying to make Roe vs. Wade null and void.

Already so many states have restrictions on when you can have an abortion and now WHY you can have an abortion. I am angry about 90 % of the time now. Do we really want women in back alleys with coat hangers to get rid of unwanted babies? Or do we want them in a sterile safe environment? The latter, of course.

A fetus is not a baby, that is simple science and your religious views do not belong in any vagina BUT YOUR OWN. You don't like abortion? Fine then don't have one.

By the way....you can be anti-abortion and still PRO-CHOICE.

And if after all is said and done if you are anti- choice then I better see you rallying for cheaper healthcare, higher income limits for food-stamps, free birth control, sex education being mandatory EVERYWHERE, free daycare and all the welfare and social services that conservatives tend to also be against and hate.

Pro-Life should not stop once the baby is born, so if you don't think any one ever should have an abortion hopefully you are smart enough to understand that will lead to thousands of unwanted babies needing to be adopted or ending up in foster care or ditched in trash cans and safe havens. That hundreds of women will drop out of school and college to become single moms who can't make it with the pitiful amount of government assistance currently available.

You may also think, "hey....can't deal with a baby, don't have sex." Aside from the fact you are an idiot, hear this: WOMEN ENJOY SEX. We should not be shamed into not having sex or called a slut for actively seeking sex out. Men don't worry about this, why should we? I'll tell you what.... women will stop having sex for fun if any time a man deposits sperm anywhere it cannot create a baby they are fined. Deal? Yeah I thought as much.

Now onto the facts.

ABORTION FACTS

(Read them and weep, or feel intense amounts of relief)

What is an abortion: the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy, most often performed during the first 28 weeks of pregnancy.


What are the ways to have an abortion?:
Surgical abortion is a procedure that ends an undesired pregnancy by removing the fetus and placenta from the mother's womb (uterus). (Can cost up to 1500 dollars depending on how far along you are and where you live.)

Abortion pill  is the popular name for using 2 medicines to end a pregnancy – mifepristone and misoprostol. In general, it's used up to 63 days — 9 weeks — after the first day of a woman's last period.

Risks associated with abortion:

Myths:
Breast Cancer
Mental Health Issues
Infertility

Reality:
Bleeding
Abdominal pain
Nausea
Diarrhea

 90 % of all abortions happen before the 13th week of pregnancy. Those women who get the later on usually have a good reason, like the baby won't be able to live outside the womb.

From 1973-2010 421 died having a legal abortion, the majority occurring before 1983, compare this to the fact that in 2013 800 women died during complications in child birth.

3 out of 10 women will have an abortion by the time they turn 45.

69% of women say they have their abortions because the cannot afford a child

61%  of women who have abortions already have a child

73% of women who have abortions are also affiliated with a religion









Planned Parenthood



Let's get this out of the way. Planned Parenthood provides many women's healthcare services, one of which is abortion. This is all VERY legal.

Some Planned Parenthood's donate fetal tissue to help with research that prevents diseases like Parkinson and Alzheimer's. This is also legal, to date no Planned Parenthood had been found guilty of any wrong doing. They are allowed to charge for the cost of shipping and packaging; end of story. The horrible videos made to hurt this great organization are simply the end result of a delusional hate filled douche wheel.

Only 3% of the services that Planned Parenthood performs is abortion. They do no push abortion on pregnant women, they are simply there to provide a safe environment for women. Am I saying that there are NO women who have had bad experiences? No, as with any type of healthcare there are good and bad experiences, but like any health care provider this does not mean the whole organization it shite.  So please support Planned Parenthood they are very needed in this country.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/



You Might Know Her


I was very blessed to have several women willing to send me their abortion stories. I think it's important to understand that these these women could be your mothers, sisters, daughters or friends.  

Age of Story 20
When I was 20 years old I was dating a guy who I thought was fantastic. We had been dating for over a year and I thought we were both very happy. One day I started receiving less texts and when our usual phone calls would end with 'I love you' it ended with 'Yeah, bye' instead.

Of course we ended up breaking up and this time it was the worst breakup of my life. I could NOT get over it. I was in bed crying all day, feeling sick all the time and when I did go into work I was half of myself.

One fine day I told a fellow coworker that I could smell the french fries from the restaurant near my house and they asked if I was pregnant. I laughed because it couldn't be true. I had had a period before then and no sexual contact in weeks.

When I went home I decided to pick up a test just in case and when it came out positive I realized I had to tell the would be father about it. He wasn't taking my calls and this wasn't something you could really talk about over the phone anyway.

I drove to his work and had to wait a couple of hours before he decided to talk to me. When he did I could tell he was upset that I had come to see him. I didn't even want to say what was wrong so I handed him the positive pregnancy test.

He stopped everything he was doing and said that when we were dating we had talked about the fact that we weren't ready for kids and if something like this happened we were going to abort. I agreed that we had talked about it and then I went silent. It was a little too much for me to handle really coming to terms with it.

This is the time when I found out just how awful a person he really was. He told me that if I was going to keep the child it would be against his will and that it was not fair to him that I got to make the decision on this. I was terrified of having a child with him at that point. I was terrified of being pregnant. I told him I would get the abortion but I would need his help to get through the next little while.

We went to a class at Planned Parenthood where they talked about all the advantages of not having an abortion and all the other options you have. They said at the end of everything if you were still planning on having the abortion you needed to think on it for 24 hours and the next day they would perform the procedure.

The next 24 hours were a blur. Ex boyfriend tried to keep me somewhat occupied but it was half-hearted and felt more like pity and he was being forced to than anything else.

The next day we went to the clinic and they took us to the back room, drugged me up a little bit and asked if I wanted to do the pills or if I wanted to have them suck it out. I decided on the second option. It was rough to listen to the sucking sounds. I cried a little bit from the pain and a little bit from the empty feeling I felt afterwards. 

Once we were all done I asked my ex to go wait outside while they had me in recovery. I sat there while they made sure I stopped bleeding too much. Once they were satisfied with the amount of blood they let me go. 

I was put on medicine that told me to stay out of direct sunlight while I was on it. That took out my job while I was on the drugs. I ended up sitting around feeling miserable for myself for a full week since I couldn't work and I couldn't think of anything else. My ex after the whole thing was done told me that the problem was gone and he didn't need to deal with me anymore.

I can safely say that it was the most painful thing emotionally I have ever had to do in my life. I ended up getting pregnant again months later with someone else I was dating and kept that child. He's the light of my life now. After having that child I have been very firm on being on my birth control.


Age of Story 29

As I watched the two pink lines appear in my pregnancy test, several emotions passed through me; joy, fear and despair. Joy because I am first and foremost a Mama, and fear because I could not at the time have another baby-- how would I afford it? How did this happen? My boyfriend and I had been so careful... and then despair because the timing was so off, and I knew my boyfriend would be extraordinarily unhappy with the turn of events.

I had an abortion. It’s hard to write let alone say out loud. It sounds hateful, hurtful and like a bad word. But I am getting ahead of myself. It took a week, a week of tears and the thought of losing a man I loved for me to come to the conclusion the most grown up decision for myself, my two daughters and my lover was to abort the child inside of me. I have a history of miscarriages; I prayed and hoped that my body would not be compatible with this fetus, just like the previous three.


I suffered through hormones surges, morning sickness, breast tenderness and the knowledge that, after all this time, I was finally carrying a viable pregnancy. I did not want to be a single mom again, and I knew my boy did not want the baby and could not handle the thought of having a child. I swayed between saying; “Fuck you! This is MY baby!” and “I can’t do this right now, I can’t handle doing this alone again, I need it over with.” My mind raced with all the possibilities as I waited for Friday, February 10th, when I would have three days to deal with what was about to happen.

I talked to my baby,  I told it I loved it, but I couldn’t keep it. I spoke to my Goddess, and I prayed for guidance, feeling torn between this being a punishment or just horrible luck.

The abortion process in Utah is ridiculous. There are only two clinics that perform the procedure, and women come from miles around to take advantage of their services. When I went in for the informed consent class-- a class that tells you exactly what will happen and what your options are-- I was pissed. I was a grown woman, almost 29, I knew what was happening. Thankfully, the woman who did the class was an older nurse, and she sped through it. What was disturbing was that there were women from Ogden, two hours away, and Wyoming, 2-3 hours away. All these women had to drive a long way for a five minute class just to make an appointment. Plus, after the informed consent class, there is a 24 hour waiting period before they can legally do the abortion.(In May of 2012 this law changed from 24 hours to 72 hours) In 2009 there were 3,665 abortions reported in Utah... the laws regarding abortion are illogical, especially with how many women seek abortion services. In Southern Utah there are no abortion clinics at all.

He held my hand tightly as we parked in the underground lot that Friday morning. I had a moment to be pissed off that I had to go in a back way just in case there were people protesting. This was my body, my right, my choice, no matter how sick I felt about it. I have always been pro-choice and doing this made me even more so. My boyfriend was quiet as we checked in and I have to say the price for the abortion made me feel violated: 425 dollars? How do victims or underage girls pay for such a thing?

I had to have an ultra sound first and could only be grateful they did not make me look at it, then blood tests, I was shaking, I was so nervous. A nice, older woman, the doctor who would be performing the abortion, tried to calm me down. It worked. She seemed so confidant and secure in what was about to happen, I felt some of the tension leave me. I went into the little room and undressed from the waist down and got on the table, my boyfriend held my hand the entire time; they sat him in a chair that faced me and the wall so he could not see what was going on. I remember my legs were freezing and shaking, held in place by cold plastic stirrups. They gave me laughing gas, but no pain killers. The doctor told me it would be three minutes and only hurt as bad as my worse menstrual cramps. I could feel my heart racing-- my menstrual cramps, without birth control, are terrible. I had a suspicion this was going to really hurt.

I tried to breathe normally as they started. There are almost no words for what I went through, it hurt worse than I could imagine, like three minutes of condensed labor pains without a break. I could not breathe as tears leaked down my face. I remember glancing over at him for a second and taking some comfort in the fact that his eyes were red rimmed. It was the longest most horrifying three minutes of my life. It took ten minutes before. I sat, curled, in a reclining chair feeling nauseous, with a heating pad on my abused abdomen. Tears were still streaming down my face as I rocked, thinking to myself, “I am so sorry,” over and over again.

Thirty minutes later they asked me to check my bleeding, and it was a lot, way more than I should have been. Needless to say they had to re do the abortion. They told me it would not hurt as much because the tube they were going to use was smaller, but it did. Thankfully, my boyfriend has a high tolerance for pain, because I almost broke his hand. I went to a place far away in my mind, like this could not be happening to me, this had to be some other woman writhing in pain, not getting enough oxygen, sobbing as her baby was sucked out of her.
The second time everything went fine. I was released forty five minutes later. I never want to have to go through that again. Was this painful and horrible? Yes. Do I regret it: NEVER, this was right for me and it was my choice. I will defend the right for ANYONE to have an abortion.


Age of story 19

I was raped after my 19th birthday. It was really bad, but what came after was worse. I found out I was pregnant. I never hesitated, I wasn't going to keep my rapists baby. My dad argued with me that I was killing a life. When I told him I would keep it if he raised it and I never had to see the kid he changed his mind real quick.

My sister took me to Planned Parenthood. I was lucky that Medicaid in my state will pay for an abortion if you are raped, but to get the man Medicaid took forever so I was almost 15 weeks pregnant.

I had to drive two hours to get this abortion I traveled for eight hours in total. Four hours for the counseling session and four for the actual abortion.

There were protesters and I was nervous, I didn't want to go to jail before my abortion. I would have kicked some white lady's butt if she got in my face. Some of their signs were sick, and really dumb too.

The procedure didn't take long, I was there maybe an hour. Gosh it was cold, I just remember being cold.  It hurt, but I was glad I got to go home so soon, I had crazy thoughts of staying the night in the clinic, thank Jesus I didn't. (Yes Jesus, I'm a Christian.)

 My sister bought a huge pizza and she and I got high that night, ate pizza till I wanted to throw up, and watched Monty Python movies.

My relationship with my dad has never been the same, he thinks I am going to hell.  It doesn't matter, I'm married with a baby on the way now and very ok with the situation and how I handled it. God knows who I am and what I did, I don't need anyone to judge me but him.


Age of Story: Unknown

I don't recall when it was exactly,  I just remember being younger than I am now and afraid of life and choices i made or would have to make.  I remember my boyfriend of that time and how angry and sad he had been that it had happened, he'd never really be interested in having sex with me for this reason - he didn't want an accident to happen.


I remember wanting the baby, I remember doing what was best for said boyfriend.  He had been so pissed off that i got pregnant in the first place, what he'd feared would happen actually happened.  I remember the conversation I had with my parents and telling them I would take care of it. I remember the room I was in when i went to take care of it, sterile,  cold , but the people were pleasant enough.


I remember feeling like..this is just not right, I want this baby, but knowing I couldn't have it. I cried after it happened.I never forgave him for it either.

Sex takes 2 people. .but I blamed him for it. To this day, I've never forgiven him for pushing me into the abortion..or making me feel like it was all my fault.


Age of story 35

I wanted my baby more than anything. Husband # 2 and I had been trying for two years to get pregnant. We found out at 16 weeks that our baby had anencephaly. I did not know what that was, I had never heard of it before. The doctor explained it is when the baby is born without part of its scalp and brain. I was told my baby would die shortly after being born.

We decided to have an abortion. I did not want to carry a child to term only to watch them die.  We had an abortion, it was the only option for me that made sense. Because of the reasons I was able to have an abortion at the hospital with my doctor and bypass the normal waiting period for our state.  Thankfully it was caught early, I hadn't even bought too much baby stuff yet. We are now trying to adopt. I am too scared to go through that again.





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