Friday, September 25, 2015

Dracula's Abortion Bride

I know today I was supposed to do another "Getting Rid of the Stigma, but with all the abortion stuff going on in the news I just had to write about it.

I wanted to talk about three of the most common things Anti-Choice people says when confronted with Pro-Choice people talking about their abortions.

Let's forget the whole "You are evil." "You killed a baby." "God with will judge you." Simply because these are ridiculous statements answered very simply:

 "Fine "

"It's not a baby because: SCIENCE and the LAW,"  and

"God will judge me, not YOU" or "I don't believe in [your] God."'

Let's also get past the fact abortion is legal and the only thing Roe Vs Wade did was make sure women could get accessible safe access to a medical procedure instead of dying in a back ally after shoving a coat hanger in their vagina.

I know I am never going to be able to change the mind of a person so filled with hate, self-righteousness, ignorance or extreme religious beliefs, that abortion isn't wrong or murder. These people will always think that, they will always threaten others and use scare tactics, intimidation and false information to get the results they want whether it hurts people or not. Gee, what does that sound like? Terrorism, that's right the definition of terrorism is :
the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.

Which is what hate groups like CMP and Woodsboro Baptist Church are: terrorists.

I do want to point out that the trending hashtag #shoutyourabortion it NOT about pride or bragging, it is simply about sharing your story with others to remove the stigma. You do not HAVE to feel ashamed about your personal choices with your body. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel after an abortion. You may feel shame or regret, that's o.k. it's YOUR choice, but women who do not and who feel relief, liberation or joy should not be treated like they are whores of Satan, but as people who have had a medical procedure, end.of.story. Posting dead (mostly fake btw) baby pics on facebook and twitter doesn't make a woman regret her abortion or choose not to have it, it simply makes YOU look like a disgusting douche wheel.

Here is where we get into topic one.

You want women to not have abortions? Then you need to be pro-life FOR REAL.

That means supporting free and easy access to birth control for everyone.

That means supporting any welfare program you can think of; food stamps, cash aid, free healthcare, low income housing, affordable drug and alcohol rehab, free day care, paid maternity leave,better support systems for children with handicaps etc...etc...

Basically you need to support ANY program that helps the poor, because rich women will always be able to afford an abortion or birth control, it's poor women that decisions like Defunding Planned Parenthood fuck over.

The Pro-Choice people call this special group of anti-choicers: Forced-Birthers/Pro-Birthers, because they don't care about the fetus once it turns into a baby and is expelled from the womb. They don't care that the mother won't be able to afford to feed her kid, or will have to drop out of school or maybe she will die.

Isn't abortion better than a teen mom leaving her baby to die in a dumpster?

They also don't care about the woman HOSTING this fetus ((which is by definition a parasite during almost 95% of all abortions ( organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.)) They only care about her ability to birth it, not how she will live during the pregnancy or after it.

So there it is, wanna be really pro-life, then you gotta care about ALL LIFE.

This leads right into topic two.


"Why don't you just adopt?"

Aside from the fact the mother still has to endure the emotional, physical and finical hardships of being pregnant? How about the over 400,000 kids in the foster care system right now?

I have seen the adoption process, it's a great idea and good choice for many women. But for a woman who simply cannot be an incubator for 9 months, this would be hell. My sister went through an adoption, birth mothers can get their medical expenses paid for, but legally they cannot receive money from the adopting couple which means the host still needs to work and have money for things like idk rent and food? Yeah....

Let us look at some adoption facts:

On average US families adopted more than 140,000 kids....mostly from OTHER countries.

hmmmmm 400,000 in foster homes versus 140,000 actual adoptions.

African American boy babies are the lease likely to actually be adopted out, so while the  time it takes to adopt them will be weeks not years, it is because no one wants them, though they are the cheapest to adopt.

So American's only want healthy white babies.

Then there is my response:

"You shouldn't get an abortion because there is always adoption!"

"Yeah, how many adopted or foster kids do YOU have?" or "No, this is the right CHOICE for me."

Then there is the third.

"I hate abortions because of my own fertility issues, it makes me mad that I can't have a baby but you can have an abortion. You don't appreciate what you have right there inside you."

Ugh...I went through a period of time where I had a ton of miscarriages before I got pregnant with my second child. I have also had an abortion. Those two things are not related. Just because a woman has an abortion doesn't mean you are less likely to get pregnant or more likely.

The woman having an abortion is not doing it to spite you, or shoving her ability to get pregnant and terminate it in your face.

I am so sorry to women who struggle with fertility but the argument, "I would take your baby." "Or you are so lucky, I can't even have one!" They just don't work.

A woman seeking an abortion is not lucky she got pregnant, hence the abortion, she feels badly for your issues but those are YOUR issues, her CHOICE has nothing to do with your fertility issues. She is in a predicament where abortion is the right CHOICE and you being mad because she is getting rid of something you want is like saying, "My neighbor just sold their car because they want to start taking the bus, I can't have a car right now (or ever) and I resent that they would rather take the bus."

Also as to the "give me your baby if you don't want it," types, I am sure you would take it. You are, however, over simplifying the situation. The woman having the abortion doesn't want to be pregnant, she doesn't consider the fetus a baby and she couldn't just give it to you.

Fertility issues are sad and awful, they can be life changing and heart breaking, as can abortions. However getting a mad at a woman who chooses to have one simply because you can't just makes you jealous and spiteful. These two things are not related. You are allowed to be over the moon and joyous about your miricale baby, because that is YOU. Another woman isn't having her miracle baby, she is getting rid of a mistake and something unwanted. Two separate issues.

I think it says a great deal that most anti-choicers are ready to call women who have had abortions names, threaten them with physical harm and judge them like they are God and have the right (Which they do NOT. I am no Christian but even I know God doesn't like those who judge others, especially in HIS name.)

James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Isaiah 11:3 And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide disputes by what his ears hear.

I see a lot of hate coming from anti-choice people and it sickens me. You think getting rid of an unwanted fetus and being ok with it is sick? I think being awful and twisted towards a group a LIVING humans and posting pictures of those "dead babies" disgusting. (By the by most of those pictures of aborted fetus that look like real babies are either a)totally faked or b) actually of some poor woman's still born, just saying.)

Fake Picture of What a Fetus looks like

Real Picture of what a Fetus Looks Like

I think I will end this with my two favorite sayings:

You don't like abortion? Don't have one.

You can be pro-choice and anti-abortion.

Bright Blessings, as I was called today,

Dracula's Abortion Bride

Friday, September 18, 2015

Getting Rid of the Stigma- Uterus Issues like Fertility and Miscarriage

This next month or two I am focusing on a series of blogs telling the stories of women. About their first sexual encounter, their periods, miscarriages, abortions, adoption, pregnancies and all the things that society has developed stigma's surrounding.

We shouldn't talk about menstruation it's so gross, we should hide and be ashamed of our abortions, we should grieve in silence when it comes to a miscarriage or fertility issues, we should feel dirty if we engage in any type of sexual experience or experimentation or heaven forbid are willing participants in any sort of sex work. Women are paid less money and our body standards are ridiculous, we are told to feel bad if we keep a baby and we are single, hello! God says you need to be married first! But hey, that abortion you want? Nope nada, nothing.

September 25th will be women and their first times.

If you would like to contribute a story to the collection it will be anonymous, only the age you were at the story's time. I want women to feel they can share without the fear of harassment, however if you would like me to include your name or online handle, please let me know. Email me at

There are many things that go can go wrong in the Uterus. You can have cysts and cancer and infections. You can also have miscarriages, fertility issues and etopic pregnancies.  Many women do not feel like they can talk about these issues, just like a period, many women feel these are things to hush up, hide, be ashamed of or just not talk about.

However many of these issues come with a butt load of emotional and mental concerns that, to heal from completely, require the woman to be able to talk about it, get out all her worries her fear and her grief.

I am going to go over the three most common types of issues I have seen women be afraid or embarrassed to talk about. These are events in their lives that haven't been treated by others the way they should be with concern, comfort and support, with a shoulder to cry on and someone to simply listen.

By the way October 15th is infant loss awareness day.  You don't have to explain to ANYONE why you are holding that day in your heart, even if you had an abortion, a still birth, or a miscarriage at 4 weeks it doesn't mean you don't feel the loss. Every woman is different and we all need to respect that.

Etopic Pregnancy

What is etopic pregnancy:

"Ectopic pregnancy is a common, life-threatening condition that affects 1 in 80 pregnancies. Put very simply, it means “an out-of-place pregnancy”. It occurs when a woman’s ovum (egg), that has been fertilised, implants (gets stuck somewhere) instead of moving successfully down her fallopian tube into the womb to develop there. The most common place for an ectopic pregnancy is the fallopian tube but there are many other sites where an ectopic pregnancy can be located. It is, sadly, not possible to move an ectopic pregnancy." - This can be a perfect and viable pregnancy in every-way, but where it is located means it can not become a baby, in many cases women have to have their Fallopian tube removed which can cause issues with fertility down the road.


What are the symptoms:
Positive pregnancy test
Light vaginal bleeding
Nausea and vomiting with pain
Lower abdominal pain
Sharp abdominal cramps
Pain on one side of your body
Dizziness or weakness
Pain in your shoulder, neck, or rectum
If the fallopian tube ruptures, the pain and bleeding could be severe enough to cause fainting.


What can you do if you have had this happen to you and are having a hard time emotionally and mentally?:
Seek counseling

Actively engage your body in healing therapies

Join an ectopic pregnancy support group or forum

Journal about your journey

Acknowledge your loss, take time to mourn, allow yourself space to process the experience


Consciously thank your body for all that is does everyday

Believe in your body’s capacity to heal itself

Get body work done or do body work on yourself: Reiki, Maya Abdominal Massage, Self Fertility Massage or acupuncture

Meditate or visualize a healthy pregnancy happening for you as your body is healing


Understand this is not your fault and you should feel free to talk about it as often and as much as you need to.


What can cause infertility:

Hormonal Issues

Scarred Ovaries

Premature Menopause

Follicle Problems

Fallopian Tubes that do not function well
-This can be caused by many things like etopic pregnancy, infection and previous surgeries


Behavioral Factors
- Like smoking, diet, exercise and alcohol.

Environmental and Occupational Factors
- Like lead, medication and pesticides

Abnormal Uterus

Congenital abnormalities


What are the symptoms:
Abnormal periods. Bleeding is heavier or lighter than usual.

Irregular periods. The number of days in between each period varies each month.

No periods. You have never had a period, or periods suddenly stop.

Painful periods. Back pain, pelvic pain, and cramping may happen.

Skin changes, including more acne

Changes in sex drive and desire

Dark hair growth on the lips, chest, and chin

Loss of hair or thinning hair

Weight gain

Milky white discharge from nipples unrelated to breastfeeding
Pain during sex


What are the treatments?:

Fertility Drugs

Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

Surgery to restore fertility

In vitro fertilization (IVF)

Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI)

Donor eggs or sperm



How many people are affected by this?

The CDC states that 6% of women ages 15-44 suffer from infertility. About 1.5 million

What should I do or say to a friend coping with this?

Here is a handy dandy article to address just that!

How do I help?


What is a miscarriage?:

A miscarriage is the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy. When the uterus expels the embryo or fetus because a) there is something wrong with it, b) a trauma has happened or c) an infertility issue.

What are the symptoms?:

Bleeding that progresses from light to heavy
Abdominal pain
Passing of tissue


What causes a miscarriage?:
Chromosomal Abnormalities- Basically just means that either the egg or the sperm were faulty, we have 23 chromosomes each they are not all perfect.

Uterine Abnormalities and Incompetent Cervixes

Immunologic Disorders- The body views the pregnancy as a foreign object like a germ and tries to get rid of it.

Untreated Illnesses Such as Thyroid Problems

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome


An Accident

Trauma- like a car accident or a fall

What are the statistics?:
About 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Over 80% of miscarriages occur before 12 weeks

It is estimated that 3 out of 4 eggs that are fertilized do not fuse their DNA correctly, and therefore either do not attempt to implant or fail at implantation.

It Could Have Been You

These are stories (and one interview) of women who have dealt with the above topics. I am honored that they shared their stories with me.


Age of Story 30

      My husband and I got married in September of 2014.  On November 1st, we decided that we wanted to throw away the birth control.  We weren’t “trying”, because that takes all the fun out of it.  We weren’t trying not to get pregnant, either.  I have been on birth control for the better part of the last 12 years, since I was 19.  The only other time I had been off of it my body went a little haywire.  This time around, everything seemed to be operating smoothly.
Towards the end of November, I remember having some weird stomach pains.  My husband, jokingly, said to me, “Maybe I got you pregnant and it’s one of those tubular ones!”  I promptly set him straight on exactly why that wasn’t funny.  He honestly didn’t know how bad that was.  “Besides,” I told him, “I’m just ovulating.”  At least that is what I believed.
In the end of December, I was a little more emotional than usual.  I also just felt different.  So, we decided a pregnancy test was in order.  It came back negative.  No worries, right?  We hadn’t been without birth control that long.
January came, and brought with it the usual winter colds.  My stomach started really hurting on Monday, January 12th.  I was just ovulating, I was sure of it.  Same pain I’d been feeling once a month since I was a teenager.  And the dates added up.   However, the pain just got worse.  My husband went to the doctor on Tuesday and was told he had walking pneumonia.  The doctor told him that I should probably be seen for my cough, too.  By Thursday night the pain was absolutely unbearable.  I relented, and finally went to the doctor.
When I showed up at the doctor’s office on Thursday night, I gave off a list of my symptoms.  Cough, congestion, and oh by the way, this intense abdominal pain.  The doctor told me that he wasn’t so worried about the chest cold.  He told me “We are going to give you a pregnancy test, and hope that it is negative!”  I told him “But I want to be pregnant.”  He told me not this way, as he suspected it was an ectopic pregnancy.  He had confirmed that suspicion I held deep in the back of my mind.  Sure enough, the test came back positive.  He asked me which hospital I was going to go to so that he could call ahead. 
Next came the very emotional call to my husband.  You see all these cute little pregnancy reveal videos and pictures from social media.  Mine consisted of “Honey, I’m pregnant.  The doctor suspects it is an ectopic.  I’m coming home so that you can take me to the ER.”
My husband drove me to the ER.  Once we were there he text messaged my mom and sister for me for support, since I just couldn’t do it.  That night I was poked and prodded more than I have ever been in my whole life.  Needles, which I hate.  Ultrasounds that left me feeling like I had been abducted by aliens.  I kept making jokes (still do, I guess), because that was the only way I could cope.  My husband, knowing how bad I must be hurting, just kept assuring the staff that I was taking this seriously, joking was just my coping mechanism.
At the end of the evening, the ER doctor told me that he wasn’t sure what was going on.  He told me to come back in 48 hours to see if my HCG doubled.  This would mean that it was most likely a healthy pregnancy.  Those were the longest 48 hours of my life.  The pain only intensified and went all the way up to my shoulder.  I went to work on Friday. Fortunately, I only had to work for 2 hours.  My parents took me out to lunch.  I remember telling my mom that intellectually I was trying to tell myself that “You can’t be upset about a losing a pregnancy that you just now found out existed” but that emotionally I had never been so upset.  She explained to me that I had every right to be upset, because I was already seeing the possibilities.  My husband did his best to make me comfortable and to keep me distracted.  We tried to go to the movies, but I couldn’t move.  I am not a religious person but I prayed more in those hours than I ever had in my life.
48 hours later we made our way back to the ER.  Blood tests and more probing ultrasounds were repeated.  The ER doctor was still not sure.  Fortunately, my OB/GYN was on call.  He came to me and told me that my HCG numbers had exactly doubled.  On paper, I had a healthy pregnancy.  However, in real life, the ultrasounds showed it to be in my right fallopian tube.  He told me that he had never seen the numbers be good and have the pregnancy not be healthy in all of his years practicing.  Gee, lucky me.  He gave us the option of methotrexate or surgery.  He said that surgery was the best bet, so that is what I decided. 
I was immediately prepped and taken back for surgery.  The anesthesiologist asked me what I was having done.  I told him a tummy tuck and a nose job because saying “I have an ectopic pregnancy that has to be removed” was just too much for me.  He was kind of an ass and said “No, what are you really here for?”  I wanted to scream “Dick head!  You have my chart in front of you!”
I woke up from surgery a few hours later, sans my right fallopian tube.  I was in a ton of pain, emotionally and physically.  When my doctor came to talk to me, he told me “We were this close to kablooey.”  Some people don’t think that was very professional, but it was what I needed to hear.  It made it seem less scary.  I found out later that the shoulder pain was a pretty big indicator that my tube was going to rupture. 
It has been around 9 months since all this happened.  Yeah, let that sink in for a minute.  It was by far the worst experience in my life.  I have stomach pains daily from scar tissue as a reminder.  It has been tough, but I have just made a point of knowing everything and anything there is to know about ectopic pregnancies.  Unfortunately, there is no preventing them.  And, fun fact, if you have one you are more likely to have another.  I thought that having one less fallopian tube meant that my fertility was decreased by half.  In reality, it is only diminished by 30%.  I have learned more in the last 9 months about being a woman than I have in the previous 30 years.  I’m tougher now than ever because of it.

 Fertility Issues

Age of story 17+

I know when you were younger you were told you might have a hard time conceiving. How old were you and what was your diagnosis: I was 17 and I was told that I have P.C.O.S., polycystic ovary syndrome, and that mine was a severe case and I would never be able to have children without help.

How did this make you feel?: I felt horrible. All I ever wanted to be was a mom and have a family when I was younger so it was a huge blow.

What did you try to help you conceive? Positions, medications etc...: I went on and off birth control trying to regulate my hormones, I tried keeping my hips elevated after sex. Pretty much anything that was said to help I tried. Finally when I gave up trying I was already married to my second husband and then it happened, I got pregnant! It was a miracle to me.

Before you had your son how many miscarriages did you have?: Unfortunately in the space of 2 years before I had my son I had 3 miscarriages.    

How far along were you for each of them?: 11, 12, and 15 weeks each.

I have had a few miscarriages and each is hard in their own way, Tell me about yours, how you felt,what kind of support you had, did you have to go to the hospital?: I went to the hospital with all 3 of them and they said there was nothing they could do and they sent me home as soon as the bleeding stopped. I had no family and no friends in the area at the time and my now ex husband just shrugged it off like it wasn't important and said it would happen when it was meant to happen. I felt like I was being punished for something after trying for 8 years to get pregnant and then having back to back miscarriages like that, it was horrible.

How long did it take before you had your son and was his pregnancy difficult? About 4 months after the last miscarriage I found I was pregnant with my son. I was cautious and followed every rule like some kind of pregnant nazi to make sure nothing would happen this time. It was a rough pregnancy. I had hyperemesis (very severe morning sickness that only 3% of all pregnant women in the world get, lucky me I had it with both children.), and then half way through I developed pre-eclampsia and ended up having him 28 days early because my protein levels were dangerously high. After I had him I hemorrhaged for a few hours and lost almost half of my blood, I had to have two transfusions in 3 days before I was allowed to go home.

You had your daughter not too long after your son, what changed? Did you have a miscarriage between the two? Was she easier to conceive? Or do you think your original diagnosis was incorrect? I found out I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was 10 months old, he refused to breast feed one day so I took a test and it was immediately positive lol. My Dr had told me I had about a 10% chance of having another child, but when I became pregnant she tested my hormone levels and said that breastfeeding must have leveled them out enough for me to ovulate again. 

How was the pregnancy with your daughter? I had hyperemesis again and ended up in the hospital on fluids several times and lost 46lbs in the first 4 months of my pregnancy. After that it was normal until I was hit by a drunk driver when I was 35 weeks and her heart stopped. I had to be monitored 3 times a week after that until I had her. Other than the sickness lasting longer the pregnancy was much easier and much more normal than with my son.

If you don't mind sharing, I know you had to to have full hysterectomy, do you think that all the events prior (ie miscarriages and complicated births) led up to this moment? I had a hysterectomy, but not an oofarectomy, meaning I still have my ovaries even though they don't produce the right amounts of the right hormones (P.C.O.S) because taking out your ovaries can shorten your life span and put you into immediate menopause. My PCOS is why I had it done. I've always been anemic and having super heavy periods that last 4 to 5 months at a time weren't helping.

How does it feel knowing you cannot have more children?: I cried a bit when I first made the decision because it was closing a chapter that was so important in my life. But then I realized that my two are all I can handle, mostly because of my son being autistic, and I'm very, very happy that I can't have any more children.

Is there anything else you would like to say, maybe words of advice for a woman in your similar situation?: Don't let the dr.s tell you what you can and can't do. If you do research, make sure it's from sources that are legitimate. Do what is best for you and your body.


I was 28 when I found out I was pregnant. After years of telling my mom I was never going to give her grandchildren, I was about to become a mother.
I did a home pregnancy test and followed up with a confirmation to the doctor.
My husband and I were so excited. It was early yet, so no heartbeat could be heard.
I was feeling great. No morning sickness, just a feeling of happiness.
The second visit still resulted in no heartbeat but the doctor didn't seem too worried about it.
At about 12-13 weeks, I felt and looked like I was putting on a little weight and was developing a little pouch. I was quite happy and still no morning sickness.
The next visit, however, was not so good. The doctor still could not detect a heartbeat even though I was growing as I should have been. Not a good sign. He sent me for an ultrasound.
The test showed that while I was progressing, there was no sign of a fetus. I was devastated. The doctor scheduled a D&C.
I had the procedure a few days later as an outpatient. Apparently my uterus was growing and there was a placenta, just no fetus. Since I hadn't had any bleeding, my doctor was at a loss to explain what had happened.
My husband wasn't as upset as I since he felt if there was no baby, then I hadn't really been pregnant.
At home, my mental state, however slid into depression. I wouldn't get out of bed and cried often. My husband couldn't understand why I was so sad and often became angry. Reminding me I hadn't been pregnant, so basically move on and get over it. There may not have been a fetus, but to me, I had been pregnant and the loss for me had been real.
My mom came out and stayed with us for almost a week and took care of me. She understood and helped me out of my depression.
By the end of her visit I was feeling better, but still sad. I carried that sadness for a while, but never spoke of it to my husband, as all it did was make him angry.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Getting Rid of the Stigma- Abortion #shoutyourabortion

This next month or two I am focusing on a series of blogs telling the stories of women. About their first sexual encounter, their periods, miscarriages, abortions, adoption, pregnancies and all the things that society has developed stigma's surrounding.

We shouldn't talk about menstruation it's so gross, we should hide and be ashamed of our abortions, we should grieve in silence when it comes to a miscarriage or fertility issues, we should feel dirty if we engage in any type of sexual experience or experimentation or heaven forbid are willing participants in any sort of sex work. Women are paid less money and our body standards are ridiculous, we are told to feel bad if we keep a baby and we are single, hello! God says you need to be married first! But hey, that abortion you want? Nope nada, nothing.

September 18th will be stories of women who dealt with miscarriages or fertility issues.

If you would like to contribute a story to the collection it will be anonymous, only the age you were at the story's time. I want women to feel they can share without the fear of harassment, however if you would like me to include your name or online handle, please let me know. Email me at


(Tiny rant)

Oh dear Goddess, did I just type that and in BIG print? Yes I fucking did.  Abortion in LEGAL in the United States, just so you know. When you try and limit who can access safe affordable abortions people get PISSED OFF.

I attended the rally in Utah to support Planned Parenthood after our Governor decided to illegally defund them. Not only does this hurt women's health care in a major way (STD testing, pregnancy testing, cervical cancer screening, the giving of birth control) but  it is just another way conservatives are trying to make Roe vs. Wade null and void.

Already so many states have restrictions on when you can have an abortion and now WHY you can have an abortion. I am angry about 90 % of the time now. Do we really want women in back alleys with coat hangers to get rid of unwanted babies? Or do we want them in a sterile safe environment? The latter, of course.

A fetus is not a baby, that is simple science and your religious views do not belong in any vagina BUT YOUR OWN. You don't like abortion? Fine then don't have one.

By the can be anti-abortion and still PRO-CHOICE.

And if after all is said and done if you are anti- choice then I better see you rallying for cheaper healthcare, higher income limits for food-stamps, free birth control, sex education being mandatory EVERYWHERE, free daycare and all the welfare and social services that conservatives tend to also be against and hate.

Pro-Life should not stop once the baby is born, so if you don't think any one ever should have an abortion hopefully you are smart enough to understand that will lead to thousands of unwanted babies needing to be adopted or ending up in foster care or ditched in trash cans and safe havens. That hundreds of women will drop out of school and college to become single moms who can't make it with the pitiful amount of government assistance currently available.

You may also think, "hey....can't deal with a baby, don't have sex." Aside from the fact you are an idiot, hear this: WOMEN ENJOY SEX. We should not be shamed into not having sex or called a slut for actively seeking sex out. Men don't worry about this, why should we? I'll tell you what.... women will stop having sex for fun if any time a man deposits sperm anywhere it cannot create a baby they are fined. Deal? Yeah I thought as much.

Now onto the facts.


(Read them and weep, or feel intense amounts of relief)

What is an abortion: the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy, most often performed during the first 28 weeks of pregnancy.

What are the ways to have an abortion?:
Surgical abortion is a procedure that ends an undesired pregnancy by removing the fetus and placenta from the mother's womb (uterus). (Can cost up to 1500 dollars depending on how far along you are and where you live.)

Abortion pill  is the popular name for using 2 medicines to end a pregnancy – mifepristone and misoprostol. In general, it's used up to 63 days — 9 weeks — after the first day of a woman's last period.

Risks associated with abortion:

Breast Cancer
Mental Health Issues

Abdominal pain

 90 % of all abortions happen before the 13th week of pregnancy. Those women who get the later on usually have a good reason, like the baby won't be able to live outside the womb.

From 1973-2010 421 died having a legal abortion, the majority occurring before 1983, compare this to the fact that in 2013 800 women died during complications in child birth.

3 out of 10 women will have an abortion by the time they turn 45.

69% of women say they have their abortions because the cannot afford a child

61%  of women who have abortions already have a child

73% of women who have abortions are also affiliated with a religion

Planned Parenthood

Let's get this out of the way. Planned Parenthood provides many women's healthcare services, one of which is abortion. This is all VERY legal.

Some Planned Parenthood's donate fetal tissue to help with research that prevents diseases like Parkinson and Alzheimer's. This is also legal, to date no Planned Parenthood had been found guilty of any wrong doing. They are allowed to charge for the cost of shipping and packaging; end of story. The horrible videos made to hurt this great organization are simply the end result of a delusional hate filled douche wheel.

Only 3% of the services that Planned Parenthood performs is abortion. They do no push abortion on pregnant women, they are simply there to provide a safe environment for women. Am I saying that there are NO women who have had bad experiences? No, as with any type of healthcare there are good and bad experiences, but like any health care provider this does not mean the whole organization it shite.  So please support Planned Parenthood they are very needed in this country.

You Might Know Her

I was very blessed to have several women willing to send me their abortion stories. I think it's important to understand that these these women could be your mothers, sisters, daughters or friends.  

Age of Story 20
When I was 20 years old I was dating a guy who I thought was fantastic. We had been dating for over a year and I thought we were both very happy. One day I started receiving less texts and when our usual phone calls would end with 'I love you' it ended with 'Yeah, bye' instead.

Of course we ended up breaking up and this time it was the worst breakup of my life. I could NOT get over it. I was in bed crying all day, feeling sick all the time and when I did go into work I was half of myself.

One fine day I told a fellow coworker that I could smell the french fries from the restaurant near my house and they asked if I was pregnant. I laughed because it couldn't be true. I had had a period before then and no sexual contact in weeks.

When I went home I decided to pick up a test just in case and when it came out positive I realized I had to tell the would be father about it. He wasn't taking my calls and this wasn't something you could really talk about over the phone anyway.

I drove to his work and had to wait a couple of hours before he decided to talk to me. When he did I could tell he was upset that I had come to see him. I didn't even want to say what was wrong so I handed him the positive pregnancy test.

He stopped everything he was doing and said that when we were dating we had talked about the fact that we weren't ready for kids and if something like this happened we were going to abort. I agreed that we had talked about it and then I went silent. It was a little too much for me to handle really coming to terms with it.

This is the time when I found out just how awful a person he really was. He told me that if I was going to keep the child it would be against his will and that it was not fair to him that I got to make the decision on this. I was terrified of having a child with him at that point. I was terrified of being pregnant. I told him I would get the abortion but I would need his help to get through the next little while.

We went to a class at Planned Parenthood where they talked about all the advantages of not having an abortion and all the other options you have. They said at the end of everything if you were still planning on having the abortion you needed to think on it for 24 hours and the next day they would perform the procedure.

The next 24 hours were a blur. Ex boyfriend tried to keep me somewhat occupied but it was half-hearted and felt more like pity and he was being forced to than anything else.

The next day we went to the clinic and they took us to the back room, drugged me up a little bit and asked if I wanted to do the pills or if I wanted to have them suck it out. I decided on the second option. It was rough to listen to the sucking sounds. I cried a little bit from the pain and a little bit from the empty feeling I felt afterwards. 

Once we were all done I asked my ex to go wait outside while they had me in recovery. I sat there while they made sure I stopped bleeding too much. Once they were satisfied with the amount of blood they let me go. 

I was put on medicine that told me to stay out of direct sunlight while I was on it. That took out my job while I was on the drugs. I ended up sitting around feeling miserable for myself for a full week since I couldn't work and I couldn't think of anything else. My ex after the whole thing was done told me that the problem was gone and he didn't need to deal with me anymore.

I can safely say that it was the most painful thing emotionally I have ever had to do in my life. I ended up getting pregnant again months later with someone else I was dating and kept that child. He's the light of my life now. After having that child I have been very firm on being on my birth control.

Age of Story 29

As I watched the two pink lines appear in my pregnancy test, several emotions passed through me; joy, fear and despair. Joy because I am first and foremost a Mama, and fear because I could not at the time have another baby-- how would I afford it? How did this happen? My boyfriend and I had been so careful... and then despair because the timing was so off, and I knew my boyfriend would be extraordinarily unhappy with the turn of events.

I had an abortion. It’s hard to write let alone say out loud. It sounds hateful, hurtful and like a bad word. But I am getting ahead of myself. It took a week, a week of tears and the thought of losing a man I loved for me to come to the conclusion the most grown up decision for myself, my two daughters and my lover was to abort the child inside of me. I have a history of miscarriages; I prayed and hoped that my body would not be compatible with this fetus, just like the previous three.

I suffered through hormones surges, morning sickness, breast tenderness and the knowledge that, after all this time, I was finally carrying a viable pregnancy. I did not want to be a single mom again, and I knew my boy did not want the baby and could not handle the thought of having a child. I swayed between saying; “Fuck you! This is MY baby!” and “I can’t do this right now, I can’t handle doing this alone again, I need it over with.” My mind raced with all the possibilities as I waited for Friday, February 10th, when I would have three days to deal with what was about to happen.

I talked to my baby,  I told it I loved it, but I couldn’t keep it. I spoke to my Goddess, and I prayed for guidance, feeling torn between this being a punishment or just horrible luck.

The abortion process in Utah is ridiculous. There are only two clinics that perform the procedure, and women come from miles around to take advantage of their services. When I went in for the informed consent class-- a class that tells you exactly what will happen and what your options are-- I was pissed. I was a grown woman, almost 29, I knew what was happening. Thankfully, the woman who did the class was an older nurse, and she sped through it. What was disturbing was that there were women from Ogden, two hours away, and Wyoming, 2-3 hours away. All these women had to drive a long way for a five minute class just to make an appointment. Plus, after the informed consent class, there is a 24 hour waiting period before they can legally do the abortion.(In May of 2012 this law changed from 24 hours to 72 hours) In 2009 there were 3,665 abortions reported in Utah... the laws regarding abortion are illogical, especially with how many women seek abortion services. In Southern Utah there are no abortion clinics at all.

He held my hand tightly as we parked in the underground lot that Friday morning. I had a moment to be pissed off that I had to go in a back way just in case there were people protesting. This was my body, my right, my choice, no matter how sick I felt about it. I have always been pro-choice and doing this made me even more so. My boyfriend was quiet as we checked in and I have to say the price for the abortion made me feel violated: 425 dollars? How do victims or underage girls pay for such a thing?

I had to have an ultra sound first and could only be grateful they did not make me look at it, then blood tests, I was shaking, I was so nervous. A nice, older woman, the doctor who would be performing the abortion, tried to calm me down. It worked. She seemed so confidant and secure in what was about to happen, I felt some of the tension leave me. I went into the little room and undressed from the waist down and got on the table, my boyfriend held my hand the entire time; they sat him in a chair that faced me and the wall so he could not see what was going on. I remember my legs were freezing and shaking, held in place by cold plastic stirrups. They gave me laughing gas, but no pain killers. The doctor told me it would be three minutes and only hurt as bad as my worse menstrual cramps. I could feel my heart racing-- my menstrual cramps, without birth control, are terrible. I had a suspicion this was going to really hurt.

I tried to breathe normally as they started. There are almost no words for what I went through, it hurt worse than I could imagine, like three minutes of condensed labor pains without a break. I could not breathe as tears leaked down my face. I remember glancing over at him for a second and taking some comfort in the fact that his eyes were red rimmed. It was the longest most horrifying three minutes of my life. It took ten minutes before. I sat, curled, in a reclining chair feeling nauseous, with a heating pad on my abused abdomen. Tears were still streaming down my face as I rocked, thinking to myself, “I am so sorry,” over and over again.

Thirty minutes later they asked me to check my bleeding, and it was a lot, way more than I should have been. Needless to say they had to re do the abortion. They told me it would not hurt as much because the tube they were going to use was smaller, but it did. Thankfully, my boyfriend has a high tolerance for pain, because I almost broke his hand. I went to a place far away in my mind, like this could not be happening to me, this had to be some other woman writhing in pain, not getting enough oxygen, sobbing as her baby was sucked out of her.
The second time everything went fine. I was released forty five minutes later. I never want to have to go through that again. Was this painful and horrible? Yes. Do I regret it: NEVER, this was right for me and it was my choice. I will defend the right for ANYONE to have an abortion.

Age of story 19

I was raped after my 19th birthday. It was really bad, but what came after was worse. I found out I was pregnant. I never hesitated, I wasn't going to keep my rapists baby. My dad argued with me that I was killing a life. When I told him I would keep it if he raised it and I never had to see the kid he changed his mind real quick.

My sister took me to Planned Parenthood. I was lucky that Medicaid in my state will pay for an abortion if you are raped, but to get the man Medicaid took forever so I was almost 15 weeks pregnant.

I had to drive two hours to get this abortion I traveled for eight hours in total. Four hours for the counseling session and four for the actual abortion.

There were protesters and I was nervous, I didn't want to go to jail before my abortion. I would have kicked some white lady's butt if she got in my face. Some of their signs were sick, and really dumb too.

The procedure didn't take long, I was there maybe an hour. Gosh it was cold, I just remember being cold.  It hurt, but I was glad I got to go home so soon, I had crazy thoughts of staying the night in the clinic, thank Jesus I didn't. (Yes Jesus, I'm a Christian.)

 My sister bought a huge pizza and she and I got high that night, ate pizza till I wanted to throw up, and watched Monty Python movies.

My relationship with my dad has never been the same, he thinks I am going to hell.  It doesn't matter, I'm married with a baby on the way now and very ok with the situation and how I handled it. God knows who I am and what I did, I don't need anyone to judge me but him.

Age of Story: Unknown

I don't recall when it was exactly,  I just remember being younger than I am now and afraid of life and choices i made or would have to make.  I remember my boyfriend of that time and how angry and sad he had been that it had happened, he'd never really be interested in having sex with me for this reason - he didn't want an accident to happen.

I remember wanting the baby, I remember doing what was best for said boyfriend.  He had been so pissed off that i got pregnant in the first place, what he'd feared would happen actually happened.  I remember the conversation I had with my parents and telling them I would take care of it. I remember the room I was in when i went to take care of it, sterile,  cold , but the people were pleasant enough.

I remember feeling like..this is just not right, I want this baby, but knowing I couldn't have it. I cried after it happened.I never forgave him for it either.

Sex takes 2 people. .but I blamed him for it. To this day, I've never forgiven him for pushing me into the abortion..or making me feel like it was all my fault.

Age of story 35

I wanted my baby more than anything. Husband # 2 and I had been trying for two years to get pregnant. We found out at 16 weeks that our baby had anencephaly. I did not know what that was, I had never heard of it before. The doctor explained it is when the baby is born without part of its scalp and brain. I was told my baby would die shortly after being born.

We decided to have an abortion. I did not want to carry a child to term only to watch them die.  We had an abortion, it was the only option for me that made sense. Because of the reasons I was able to have an abortion at the hospital with my doctor and bypass the normal waiting period for our state.  Thankfully it was caught early, I hadn't even bought too much baby stuff yet. We are now trying to adopt. I am too scared to go through that again.

Friday, September 4, 2015

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Getting Rid of the Stigma- Menstruation

This next month or two I am focusing on a series of blogs telling the stories of women. About their first sexual encounter, their periods, miscarriages, abortions, adoption, pregnancies and all the things that society has developed stigma's surrounding.

We shouldn't talk about menstruation it's so gross, we should hide and be ashamed of our abortions, we should grieve in silence when it comes to a miscarriage or fertility issues, we should feel dirty if we engage in any type of sexual experience or experimentation or heaven forbid are willing participants in any sort of sex work. Women are paid less money and our body standards are ridiculous, we are told to feel bad if we keep a baby and we are single, hello! God says you need to be married first! But hey, that abortion you want? Nope nada, nothing.

If you would like to contribute a story to the collection it will be anonymous, only the age you were at the story's time. I want women to feel they can share without the fear of harassment, however if you would like me to include your name or online handle, please let me know. Email me at


Basic biology in case you don't know.

What is the menstrual cycle?:

"The menstrual cycle is just that: a cycle. It is your body’s way of preparing itself for a possible pregnancy. A girl’s cycle is the length of time it takes her body to go through the process of releasing an egg, preparing the uterus to cushion a fertilized egg, and then shedding the thickened lining and the unfertilized egg (by bleeding that comes out of the vagina).  The “period” itself is part of this cycle. Your hormone system controls your menstrual cycle. The changes in your body (including cramps, moodiness and your period) are brought on by changes in the levels of hormones that are running through your system. The medical term for getting your period is menstruation or menses. "

What happens during your menstrual cycle?:

"As you enter puberty your body starts to change. Your breasts develop; you start to get pubic hair and hair under your arms; a few months before your first period you may even notice that you have a clear discharge from your vagina. Don’t panic! This is all normal.
About once a month, an egg leaves the ovaries and travels down the fallopian tubes towards the uterus. At the same time, the lining of the uterus becomes thicker with extra blood and tissue to make a cushion for a potentially fertilized egg. If an egg is fertilized with sperm and you become pregnant, the fertilized egg will attach itself to your uterus where it will slowly develop into a baby. If the egg is not fertilized, the lining of the uterus begins to break down so it can be shed (along with the egg that was not fertilized). Your period – or the time of bleeding – happens when your body gets rid of the extra blood and tissue that’s no longer needed. Then the cycle starts all over again.
Remember, you can still get pregnant if you have unprotected sex while you are menstruating. And if you are having sex without birth control and you don’t get your period for a month or longer, you could be pregnant. "

Myths about your period, some you may even still believe!!

1) Sleeping next to another girl who is on her period can cause yours to start. 
(There is NO scientific proof that women's periods sync. )

2)Don't swim in the ocean- Sharks can smell your blood. Don't go camping- bears can smell your blood. 

3) Tampons will make you lose your virginity.

4)Don't go to the dentist or your fillings will fall out. ( Your gums may be more sensitive during your period, but it won't affect your dental visit more then bleeding gums.)

5) You can't get pregnant on your period. (LIE)

6) Flowers will die if you touch them while on your period.

7)You shouldn't swim while on your period because your tampon will soak up too much water and you will sink.

8) While on your period avoid doing strenuous activity. ( However if you don't FEEL like working out or digging up a garden then don't...but you can if you want.)

9) Your period should last seven days. (All women are different there are MANY factors mine last four to five some of my friends last eight...just depends on YOU and your birth control method sometimes.)

10) PMS is all in your mind (Bull shit, it's an actual mental and chemical thing that happens to women.)

Interesting Historical/Mythological "Facts" about Menstruation

1) Ancient Romans thought that menstruating women were practicing dark magic

2) Some people in India believe menstruating women make cows infertile, while in East
 Africa some say they dry out crops.

3) Ancient Egyptians sometimes used soften papyrus as tampons

4)Medieval Europeans burned toads to stop heavy flow days, they also thought the blood

would cure leppers

5) The French thought having sex on your period would create monsters

6) From the 1890's to the 1970's women wore belts to contain sanitation napkins

7)  In the 40's and 50's kids in schools watched a mini movie about menstruation made by


8) Some women in the past spent the days of their cycle in specialized rooms or huts.

9)There is a festival in India that celebrates menstruation and the period Goddess 

10) In Cherokee culture menstrual blood was thought to be the source of feminine power and could destroy enemies.

Weird Names People Call Menstruation

Aunt Flo
The Curse
TOM is visiting
Riding the cotton pony
Surfing the crimson wave
In her flowers
Red tide
On the rag
Shark week
Cousin Red
Have the painters in
The red river
Opening the flood gates
On the blob

True Stories of Women on Their Periods

Age of the story 15

I got my period when I was 15 and it lasted for 9 months. It was HEAVY too. I tried to use tampons but couldn't figure out how to use them. I was young and shy and scared to investigate my body so I had to use pads and it was horrible. Every time I stood up, sneezed, laughed I would feel this big goop of thick blood come out. I had the super maxi pads and had to change them multiple times daily. Finally, my mom made me figure out the tampon situation. She got me some medical gloves and KY jelly and told me to feel around down there to find my vagina and find out how my body was angled to insert the tampons. It was humiliating and SUPER awkward but it worked! No more maxis! Eventually my period slowed down. It was never regular until I went onto BC.

Age of Story 12

I got my period in sixth grade, one of the first girls in my class to do so. OF course in my school the bathrooms didn't have anywhere to deposit pads or tampons so I had to roll these things in like a ton of toilet paper and pray no one else was in the bathroom to see me throw it away. My flows were so heavy and I got the worse cramps, like go home and spend an hour in the shower with the hot water pounding into my abdomen cramps. I wouldn't use tampons for the longest time because I was just too nervous and not sure exactly how they worked. My mom finally bought me some tampons and I spent an hour in the bathroom looking at the instruction manual, I went through three before I called my mom. I was embarrassed but I just had no clue how to figure it out, I couldn't see down there so they just wouldn't go in properly. Mom tried to explain it to me, but that didn't help. Finally I got up on the sink and squatted in front of the mirror so I could see into my vagina (first time I had ever done that either) and finally I was able to get the tampon it. I loved the freedom tampons gave me and I never went back.

Age of Story 12 or 13

My period started when I was in junior high, I believe I was 12. It was seventh grade. I don't remember exactly how it happened but I remember using the bathroom and looking down to see blood in my underwear..."oh, well that's happened". I didn't have any supplies or anything, I simply wadded up toilet paper and used it as a makeshift pad.

I didn't tell anyone. I don't know why. I don't remember being embarrassed (although I did check to make sure I didn't bleed through my pants, I remember that much from my older sister) I just didn't want anyone to know.
It was three days before my mom cornered me in the laundry room and asked me what kind of pads I wanted. Three days of wadded toilet paper, bloodied underwear, and stolen pads from my 4-H sewing teacher's daughter's stash.

Age of Story 11 or 12

When I was 11, almost 12, we were between homes and it was summer break before school started up. We were at the time living with some friends of the family in their basement and I got home one day and was very embarrassed because I thought I had wet my pants.

I really wish I had wet my pants after I saw that it was actually blood in my underwear. I was in a state of shock about it since I had heard of people being on their period but not really known what it meant. I just sat there staring at it for a good 5-10 minutes until someone knocked on the door needing the bathroom.

That knocked me out of my shock and made me start crying. It was a silly reason to start crying too. It wasn't because I was bleeding. I had ruined my clothes and they were some of my favorites.

A few minutes later my mom knocked on the door and came in after unlocking the door to see what was wrong. When she saw me sitting on the toilet sobbing over my clothes she did what I'm sure I would have done now. She chuckled a little bit and told me it was completely normal and not to be so upset about it. She really didn't understand that it was more about the clothes than the blood at that point.

I was then taught my first lesson in how to use a pad over my underwear and for years after I was in constant fear of ruining my clothes. (Until someone finally told me that clothes could be fixed with cold water..)