Friday, May 1, 2015
The Thing About Fat Club is....
So I am on this journey, this body image positive, get into shape, lose a little weight journey. Don't get me wrong I love who I am but that doesn't mean I can't tell I would be more comfortable if I dropped the baby weight from having the little Goblin King. Mom's of c-sections know...that annoying pooch that appears where your scar is...yuck.
As a plus size women I have come across mean comments, non supportive ass holes and general douche nuggets. However I never thought that some of these people would be in the plus size community.
In my "travels" I have found fat groups come in two flavors only. 1) Those that are VERY unhappy with their weight and image or are really unhealthy. These are the ones riding the diet/excessive train, weight loss surgery path. Which is fine for them! I don't belong to that group cause aside from 20 to 60 pounds I am totally good with being a plus size woman, always have been an that's not the issue. In their groups I hear things like , "why don't you work out more?" "You know you shouldn't eat that." And dammit! Leave me and my Margarita alone. When I start to obsess over food the bulimia kicks right back in. So these types of groups are neither healthy or safe for me.
The next group # 2) The Body Image Flavor. They are the plus size people TOTALLY content with their weight and how they look, they DGAF about anyone's opinion and are into the #effthatbeautystandard , healthy at any size, #imnoangel , #imnomodeleither stuff that has been going around. Now I love that, for the first time EVER I see girls close to my size on the TV being portrayed as beautiful and worthy of love and respect.
These are the women (and men) who wear what they want, exercise (I have seen them do marathons belly dance, p90x, cross fit and yoga!) and basically do what they want. The issue is in these groups I come across bans about talking about weight loss or anything slightly negative about your body, they don't offer the encouragement you may need if you simply want to lose a few pounds and are struggling with how you view yourself.
So where do I go? I want to belong to a supportive group where it is a safe place to not only brag about my accomplishments and how pretty and awesome feel and how my yoga or belly dancing work out went but where I can also say "hey I do feel like I need to lose a few pounds, I am unhappy with the way certain parts of me look, any suggestions?" And not be attacked or ostracized cause I have broached the dreaded subject of weight loss or that I may think about my body in a negative light sometimes.
I understand not wanting a forum full of fat girls simply bitching, too much negativity will kill you, but the normal levels like, "woke up this morning and feel fatter and uglier than normal." (Which every woman I know has genuinely felt at least once)....So that another lovely lady can respond, "I UNDERSTAND, but it doesn't define you, you are still awesome. This is what I do to get out of my funk!" How does this hurt people, I find it helpful and where can I find i?
`I fall in between these two flavors and once more this plus size girl battles with depression and that she doesn't fit in with her own community. I am a plus size woman who generally likes her body and who she is, I have struggled with bulimia and body image and weight issues my whole life. I know what my body feels like and what weight it is happiest with. Is that a crime; to want to discuss these feelings with other people that might actually get it? People who won't simply tell me to get my fat ass on a treadmill, but to be actually be helpful and understand sometimes it's not about your actual weight, but how you view yourself and a treadmill doesn't fix that. I know plenty of plus size girls who lost weight and still felt un sexy, not pretty and lost.
Sometimes if I cross a mirror naked I have brief flashes of self loathing, born from years of seeing what the media thinks I should look like and romance novels full of heroines with smooth soft white skin, little waists and perky breasts. It takes me a few minutes to a day to get over it and remember all the things I love about myself and my body. and the fact that 50 pounds of this weight is three children I wouldn't give up for the world. 20 pounds is the courtship with my now husband and 10 pounds are fun drunken girls nights. This fat tells my story as do the stretch marks the scars and the grey hairs.
So that leaves my reason for this post, where is my group? Full of fashion forward sexy plus size moms who occasionally have moments of self doubt that they need encouragement with, where all topics on weight are welcome in a safe, troll free environment.
I guess I am just feeling melancholy because I have learned the #1 rule about fat club is...you don't talk about how fat you really are, or how fat you feel. Cause no one cares if you are not 1) Striving to become thin or 2) rocking a fatkini and giving an i-don't-give-a-fuck stare 24/7.
Posted by Graveyard Rose