Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Spot Light with Noa Cassidy with Cassidy FX Studios

This is the seventh (and if I am not mistaken final) post in my series featuring local people from Utah that showcase a special ability. Whether it's selling something on etsy, acting, making costumes or even teaching birthing classes, these lovely people enjoy what they do and some even do it on the side of full time jobs and families. If you want to be featured please send me an email at damianarose777@gmail.com

This gentleman is my brother-in-law. He is a sweet, interesting and quirky guy who does special effect make ups and prosthetics, like the kind you find in movies, tv and haunted houses. He is quite talented. So introducing Noa!

Noa Cassidy
Cassidy FX Studios

What type of business: ie what do you sell/make/do?:

We offer a variety of Prosthetics as well as masks, blood, props, gestures, and character makeup.

Website/store address/contact information/pricing/Where you perform. Where can my readers find you, see you!:

Cassidy FX Website

You do special effect make up, correct? What made you interested in this? How long have you been doing it?

I have always loved movies and behind the scenes. I became interested from going to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. I have been doing makeup for about two years

Do you have formal education in regards to this specialty?:


How do you come up with ideas? What’s your inspiration? Your process?:

My inspiration comes from every day life, dreams good and bad, and horror movies. I usually just think of an idea and go right to sculpting with clay. I don't really use reference pictures or sketches, because I find that I over think a concept when I do a lot of pre playing my design. I kind of see where my hands take me.

What’s your favorite thing to do?:

My favorite thing to do is paint masks as well as run Foam Latex.

Is there anything you don’t like to do? :

I hate doing beauty makeup as well as Mold making.

You told me you had done some work at a Haunted House, which ones and what were you responsible for?:

I have worked with the Castle of Chaos and I am responsible for the Resident evil themed rooms of the haunt this past October.

Is the goal for this to eventually be your full time job? How close are you to making this happen?:

I would love to make this a full time job, but at the moment we are just not able to make that happen. We are working with a few haunted houses around the United States on signing contracts to be a supplier of prosthetics as well as blood, props, etc. We are also launching a variety of kits for those that have a true desire to learn and want professional quality materials and techniques that will not break the bank.

Who is your favorite special effects artist and why?

I have many favorite special effects artists, but my top three would have to be; Rick Baker, Greg Nicotero, and Stain Winston. The reason I like these artists is the fact that they achieved amazing effects back when it wasn't an easy thing to do. They are responsible for many of the industry standards we have today. Another reason is that they have been apart in creating a lot of the movies that inspired me to get into the Special effects. Movies like; Mexican Werewolf in London, Jurassic Park, Aliens, and many others.

What movie or TV show has, in your opinion, the best use of makeup and special effects without resorting to only CGI:

The Walking Dead is one of the TV shows that I feel uses a great balance of the practical as well as CGI. Movie wise there are many great examples. Movies like; Hell Boy, Evil Dead, and the first Jurassic park just to name a few.

Does your wife and family or friends allow you to try new techniques out on them? How do you find models, do you use yourself?:

I have learned its extremely hard to ask someone to set in a chair for two to three hours to see if something works or not. The best model is my self, as well as anyone that volunteers. I am always looking for models!!!!!

Thanks Noa! Here are a few other great examples of Noa's work.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Spot Light- Marie Brian THE Cotton Floozy!

This is the sixth post in my series featuring local people from Utah that showcase a special ability. Whether it's selling something on etsy, acting, making costumes or even teaching birthing classes, these lovely people enjoy what they do and some even do it on the side of full time jobs and families. If you want to be featured please send me an email at damianarose777@gmail.com

This awesome gal makes snarky embroidery, which is fun, a great gift idea, and so much different than some of the "normal" stuff you find being embroidered. Without any other nonsense I introduce the Cotton Floozy!


Marie Brian aka The Cotton Floozy

What type of business: ie what do you sell/make/do?:

I make and sell subversive hand-embroidery.

Website/store address/contact information/pricing/Where you perform. Where can my readers find you, see you!:

I have a blog where I suck at blogging, but on that site you'll find the links to all of my stuff, like my Etsy store, my Facebook page, and my instagram.

My Blog



Me on Etsy!

When did you start sewing/doing  stitch? Who taught you? What were some of your first projects?:

I first learned how to stitch when I was a kid and I hated it. My mom taught me. I was very dismissive of anything I deemed "domestic." I don't remember any of my first projects.

Why do you love it? Why sell it and spend time making things for others to hopefully buy?:

I no longer hate stitching. Now I love to stitch. I love to express my snarky, contrary nature through embroidery. I love watching people laugh as they buy my stuff at arts and crafts festivals.

Why the snarky stuff instead of, I don't know, kittens or flowers?

I have no interest in kittens or flowers unless they are ironic, humorous, or inappropriate.

Where do you get your inspiration from?:

I am inspired by everything around me that I consider to be awesome. I love stitching pop culture references, like quotes from Buffy or Doctor Who.

What’s your process? Do you need to focus or do you stitch while binge watching on Netflix?:

Stitching is great because I am able to multi-task. And by multi-task, I mean sit on my ass, stitch, and "power-watch" Netflix shows.

I know you have kids, have they shown any interest in what you do? Have you taught any of them how to embroider?

My kids have zero interest in learning how to stitch. I'm not going to force them, either. If they ever want to learn, they know where to find me. On the other hand, they often are my extremely helpful assistants at craft fairs.

Do you buy stuff similar to yours or do you just make anything you want: If so who are some of YOUR favorite sellers?:

I buy stuff from other people or do trades with people all the time. I especially like to buy cross-stitch, because I don't do that type of needlecraft myself. My favorites are Watty's Wall Stuff and Lady Jane Longstitches.

What is your favorite pattern? The pooping bird, cereal killer? Do you decorate your own home with your creations?:

I think that my favorite pattern is "Not murdering you is a full-time job." That, or my Pennywise the Clown embroidery. My house is full of my embroideries. Especially the guest bathroom, because I like my guests to be entertained while they're pooping.

Is this your only job? (Besides the never ending mommy gig):If so do you make enough money to offset supplies?

Yep. Stitching is pretty much my only job. Sometimes I get paid to teach embroidery workshops.

Do you take custom orders? Has there ever been one you turned down because of what they wanted? What was it and why?

I do take custom orders! My queue is usually pretty long. I haven't ever turned anyone down. People have canceled a custom order if they can't afford the price I quote. I hand-stitch everything, so that can sometimes cost more than people anticipate.Fortunately for my customers i now have another stitcher, The Socially Awkward Stitcher who can do custom orders in half the time.

Here are a few additional samples of Marie's great work!!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Spot Light with Melissa Merlot- Stand up Comedian

This is the fifth post in my series featuring local people from Utah that showcase a special ability. Whether it's selling something on etsy, acting, making costumes or even teaching birthing classes, these lovely people enjoy what they do and some even do it on the side of full time jobs and families. If you want to be featured please send me an email at damianarose777@gmail.com

So I am introducing Melissa Merlot, a very funny woman who does podcast and stand up comedy. I have seen her once or twice myself and really enjoy her brand of humor. Welcome to the Spot Light Melissa!


Melissa Merlot

What type of business: ie what do you sell/make/do?:

I'm a comedian.

Website/store address/contact information/pricing/Where you perform. Where can my readers find you, see you!:

My Website has a list of shows and podcasts that I have been on and will be on. It has other fun facts about me too and I am also on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.



The Left Show

For my readers who don’t know, you perform standup comedy, tell me, how long have you been doing this?:

I like to say I have been doing comedy for about 5 years. It has really been closer to 8 maybe 9 but I like 5 it is a good number. In 5 years I will still say I have been doing comedy for about 5 years. I've never been good at math.

What made you want to get into comedy?:

Stand-up comedy was just something I always wanted to do. When I was little growing up in the 80s stand-up was on television all the time and I was obsessed with it. But I never really thought of actually doing it until I was well into my 20s(about 5 years ago of course) so it was something I decided to try later in life. I am very glad that I did.

Have you done other types of comedy? I know you have done some radio podcasts, but what about TV, movies, writing?:

Podcasts are fun and I have been a guest on a few. Currently I am a co-host on The Left Show podcast which is political and very comical. The Awkward Hour with Brian Staker was the first podcast I was a co-host of. It is great and perfect for me because it is about all things awkward.

Stand-up and being on stage is my thing so I haven't done TV, movies, or writing comedy. I did write a poetry book called Firewalk it is available on Amazon. But it isn't funny poetry though it is my nature loving, tree hugging, and struggling to deal with emotions side.


Where do you get your inspiration from?:

My inspiration comes from my twisted sense of humor that I developed from being a frustrated and highly sensitive idealist. Laughter is an important coping mechanism so I want to bring more of that into people's lives.

What’s your process? Do you wing it up there on stage? Do you memorize a script or do you just memorize the basics of what you want to talk about and run with it?:

When I first started doing comedy I delivered all my material by memorizing it like a script. Then I started to use more improv on stage and that seemed to work better for me. So now I use a bit of both in my sets.

What do you consider your style of comedy, what do YOU find funny?:

Social commentary is my favorite topic. Anything that pokes fun at human behavior and social norms I am a big fan of. I am a rebel to the core and I can't stand anything that society tells people they should be. People should be true to their hearts in my world and not worry about what other people say about it. Of course I also like potty humor because I am so mature, yes I also enjoy sarcasm.

Who are you favorite comedians?:

This question is hard because I have so many. Doug Stanhope is one of my all time favorites and a few years ago I had the pleasure of opening for him. So yeah Eddie Izzard, Tracey Ullman, Joe Rogan, Marc Maron, Karen Rontowski, Patton Oswalt, and Amy Schumer. Of course the late greats Patrice O'Neal and Bill Hicks too. I just love comedy so I have so many favorites just pick one and probably at some point they were on my favorite list.

What are your plans with this career? Stand up forever? Or are you going to take over the world with humor?:

Stand-up forever yes! I would love to take over the world with humor. I'm working on new career goals with comedy now since it has been 5 years(yup still sticking with that) so it is time to branch out.

Is this your full job? Or do you have to work somewhere else to…pay this bills…so to speak:

Yes I do have a day job still. I would love to have just comedy pay the bills but right now that isn't the case.

Does Salt Lake have a large comedy community? Was it hard to break into it?:

Yes Salt Lake has a fairly large comedy community and it isn't hard to break into at all. For the most part the local comedians here are friendly and supportive of each other. We have a lot of different shows and open-mics around the valley so come check us out.

I have heard that comedy can be considered an “all boys club” what do you think about that?:

There are a lot of funny girls in our local scene now. I love it! When I started 5 years(plus a few years) ago there weren't very many women. Yes comedy will always be a boys club just because way more boys do it than girls. But it seems to be opening up and welcoming more females into it. I think that is from more funny women in the media right now.

Take some time and check out Melissa! She is an awesome funny lady and can always use more people in the audience!

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Spot Light Deborah Dilley With Squishy Yogini Yoga

This is the fourth post in my series featuring local people from Utah that showcase a special ability. Whether it's selling something on etsy, acting, making costumes or even teaching birthing classes, these lovely people enjoy what they do and some even do it on the side of full time jobs and families. If you want to be featured please send me an email at damianarose777@gmail.com

I am introducing Debbie, a great yoga instructor who specializes in Curvy Yoga, making yoga easier and modifying it for those that are bigger or just for some physical reason will NEVER be able to get into Crow Position. I have attended a few of her Wednesday Night classes and wish I was able to go EVERY week. So without boring you further, here is Debbie!

Name: Deborah Dilley

What type of business: ie what do you sell/make/do?: Yoga

Website/store address/contact information/pricing/Where you perform. Where can my readers find you, see you!:


I have an open class on Wednesdays at my home studio from 6:30-7:30pm, drop-in rate of $10. I also do private sessions at $25 an hour. I like to keep the cost of my classes low. A lot of studios are really expensive and I firmly believe that yoga should be affordable for everyone. Feel free to call or text me at 801-520-3582 for questions about my classes.

You are a yoga instructor, tell my readers what yoga is and how it works:

When most people hear the word "yoga" they think of the physical postures of hatha yoga. However the term yoga means to yoke, or to unite. It is a philosophy, a meditation practice, self-actualization, and also... a form of exercise. In my work I focus on the physical postures of yoga, with the primary aim of getting our body and mind to work in tandem.

How long have you been doing yoga? 
 I've been practicing yoga for over ten years.

How long have you been and instructor and what made you decide to teach instead of simply partake?:

 I've been an instructor for a little over 3 years now. Several years ago, I decided to take a yoga for bigger bodies class at a local studio. I had already been practicing yoga for years at this point, and had done alot of research learning modifications to standard yoga poses to make it accessible for my larger body. I had high hopes for this class.... I wanted to find a community of larger yogis. At first, I was really excited when the instructor came in as she was larger than your stereotypical yoga instructor. But it was very clear just a few minutes in that she had no idea how to modify poses or make them non-harmful to someone of a larger size. Next to me in class were two women who were my size or larger (size 24+). This was their first class. We were holding a position that I knew how to modify for, but these women obviously didn't. They were crying, in pain on their mats.....and the instructor was clueless. I knew that they would never go back to another class. The next day I enrolled in teacher training...

You specialize in curvy yoga, correct? What is this and why did you choose this particular path?:

I hold an extra training certificate in Curvy Yoga. There are several individuals in the yoga teacher world who have developed training in order to modify yoga poses to be accessible to people of size, Curvy Yoga in my opinion is one of the best models out there. Anna, the founder, is amazing to work with! She completely understood my desire to want to become an instructor so that other women of my size could come to enjoy yoga as much as I did. Yoga studios can be frightening and judgmental places if you are larger, and I wanted to create a space where everyone would feel comfortable. Anna was the perfect mentor for that.


What is your favorite pose and why?:

Do I have to pick just one? I'm a super bendy person and I do love hip openers like pidgon because I can get so deep into them. Reclining twists at the end of a class make me feel wonderful. However, I have learned more about myself and life in seated wide-legged forward fold. One day I was trying to push myself to the limit, I wanted to get my entire torso to touch the floor.... I was so close.... When the class instructor told us to transition, I realized that I was stuck in that position. I managed to get out of it safely, but it took a while. I learned an excellent lesson about being realistic with what my mind and body are saying, and the importance of always having an exit strategy.

What is your least favorite pose and why?:

Any arm balance. I can't do them, and I'm always worried that I am going to hurt myself in them.

Did you lose weight when you started doing yoga on a regular basis, did this matter to you? How did you learn to accept and love your body:

I got rid of my scales a couple of years ago and have never looked back. I didn't like the worry of what a number had to say about me....and I would get frustrated that I would slim down a little but manage to gain 20 pounds of leg muscle each time I started a new form of exercise. Yoga has helped me tone my muscles, has severely limited the amount of klutziness that plagued me in the past, has kept my body feeling younger....but I've never done it with the hopes of losing weight. I look at my body naked in the mirror everyday. Yeah, somedays I may not be happy with what I see, other days I know that I'm rocking it. This is the only body that I have, and it takes care of me in ways that I know I don't nearly appreciate enough.

As a plus size gal myself I have seen a huge change in the body image movement of late, big girls being told they are beautiful, a size 24 model in a bikini, what are you thoughts on this?:

It's awesome! I'm glad that there is a more public body positivity movement happening....if anything because the clothing options are expanding. And I'll gladly share my bikini photo with you....its not an amazing shot, but its me in all my glory!

Do you have any suggestions for plus size women (or men) who want to get into yoga but feel like they can’t or are embarrassed?:

Don't let the worry of what other people in a class or studio are going to say about you take up space in your head. If you want to try yoga, go and do it. Come to my class, or contact me if you aren't in SLC and I'll gladly give you any recommendations of places that are size friendly.

I know this is not your primary source of income, if you feel comfortable tell us how yoga helps with what you do it “the real world”:

In the "real world" I work for a local non-profit that seeks to end sexual violence in Utah. I work with a lot of people where sexual trauma is a factor in their daily lives, be it survivors, or the advocates that serve them. People recommend yoga to help cope with trauma all the time. Sadly, most yoga instructors don't understand how trauma affects the body and mind. I do. Adding yoga to my day job, be it my own practice, or providing free classes to survivors and advocates, enriches the work that I do.

Thanks to Debbie and hopefully if you are reading this it was as inspiring for you as it was for me. See you next week with a new Spotlight!

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Spot Light Sheila Amaya With Arcadian Energies

This is the third post in my series featuring local people from Utah that showcase a special ability. Whether it's selling something on etsy, acting, making costumes or even teaching birthing classes, these lovely people enjoy what they do and some even do it on the side of full time jobs and families. If you want to be featured please send me an email at damianarose777@gmail.com

So today I am introducing Sheila Amaya from Arcadian Energies, she mainly specializes in Reiki, but also does custom spell work and tarot card readings. Sheila belongs to the Salt Lake City Pagan Community.

What type of business: ie what do you sell/make/do?:
I do many types of energy and ritual work. I make items like spell kits, Reiki water, and blessing oil right now with only white magic and sell them on etsy. I am a licensed minster and can perform handfastings as well as house cleansing rituals. I primarily perform Reiki sessions for people who would like to receive Reiki as well as tarot card readings. Just a little bit of everything.

Where can my readers find you? What are your prices like?:



Blessing oil in $2 or $8 bottles
Spell kits $6
Customer spell kits $12
House cleansings $20
Wedding ceremony/handfasting ritual $25
Reiki session or Tarot card reading:
60 minutes $25
30 minutes $15
15 minutes $10

Why is your shop/business called Arcadian Energies?:

Arcadia is the the last name in my craft name, my full name currently being Amaya Cyrene Arcadia. This is also the reason why I listed, on my business cards, Sheila Amaya as my contact name. Arcadia is a city in Greek folklore where spirits and fairies dwell. Supposedly it can only be reached after death and it is the resting place of the spirit of Pan, one of the only known gods to have been successfully killed and sent to the spirit realm. Naturally, when my son was born I made his craft's last name Arcadia. I like the idea of when he becomes of age, having a family business, or even just expanding outside of a one person operation.

What made you decide to get into Reiki?:

I struggled with depression for over 6 years when I was introduced to Reiki. I had been actively practicing Wicca when I found a book about Reiki in the "New Age" section of a Barnes and Noble and was hooked from the beginning. I found much about Reiki, like many Wiccan practices, was about healing oneself and others through love and light. I visited Guatemala (my parent's home country) for 2 months and learned from reading and began to practice it on myself. When I came back to Utah, I wanted to become a certified practitioner and met many people in the Reiki community. In 2010 I became certified with my Shodan Reiki Ryoho (Reiki level one) and six months later became certified with Okudan Reiki Ryoho (Reiki level two). I am currently working on becoming the Reiki teacher level.

Give me a brief over view of what reiki is, how does it work and what you do during a session?:

Reiki is a Japanese word where “Rei” typically means spiritual, or spirit, “ki” means life energy or Universal energy as translated into English. A Reiki practitioner is someone who has been attuned to the different Reiki symbols and is able to easily channel the energy into someone or something to assist in the balancing of their personally energy. In a Reiki session, the client will sit in a massage chair and relax as I walk around, without touching them, and channel the energy into their body.

Is it ever awkward or embarrassing? Any funny or horrible reiki stories you would like to share?:

I was asked by a friend from work to do a Reiki session. She and her boyfriend were very interested in it and she said that he just wanted to watch. At the time, I did not have a chair for my clients to sit in, so I asked her to lay down on the couch and they both burst into laughter as he watched from an opposing chair and joked about how I was going to make a move on her. It was definitely a little awkward.

How did you get started wanting to help people with Reiki healing?

I saw the huge impact it had on my life and I wanted to share it. Anyone can do Reiki and do Reiki for themselves. People just need open up their meridians and allow themselves to channel that healing energy. What they can do with that healing energy is limitless, it's just about how they choose to use it.

How long have you been doing this?:
I've been taking Reiki classes since early 2009 and became certified beginning of 2010 and had practiced on myself for several years before I actively began to practice on other people.
I've been reading tarot cards since 2007 and performing rituals and creating spells since then as well. I became a licensed minister beginning of 2014.

What kinds of things can Reiki help with?:
It is a form of holistic healing so it can assist with physical, mental as well as spiritual needs, pains and assist with building peace of mind.

Is there anything you WON’T do Reiki for?:
If someone is intending on using it to harm themselves or harm others, but Reiki is technically healing energy, if they were wishing to harm someone, it wouldn't technically be Reiki.

Tell me about your process, how do you “get in the mood” to perform Reiki on yourself or someone else?:

My best friends gave me a couple of charmed necklaces and a charged headband that I will wear for performing Reiki and I will put them on prior to a session. I'll usually listen to some classical music and clear my energy with a simple clearing ritual and ground myself. When I am performing Reiki on myself, I can be anywhere at anytime doing anything. Just a mindful thought will allow the energy to begin to flow into me. When I do a full session on myself, I like to light a candle,some incense and lay in my bed for the duration of the session.

Do you have to be Pagan to enjoy or get benefits from Reiki?:
No. Reiki is for anyone who is open to the Universe and willing to learn or receive the Reiki energy. They can be of any religion, belief, gender or race as long as they are wanting to improve their holistic selves, this is for them.

Personal Message From Sheila:
The subjects discussed in this blog interview are things that I was not able to uncover by myself. I had many different teachers along the way and made many different friends that have similar beliefs. Reiki and Spirituality are things you should feel comfortable and you can discuss freely at all stages of your development. Even if you don't request my services, feel free to email me for any questions or discussion topics you would like. Amaya.Arcadia@gmail.com

Testimony from a frequent client of Sheila's; Hillary
This year has been an extremely stressful and trying time in my life. Getting through these things in my life would have been a long and horrible process if it had not been for the healing energy that was delivered to my body and my soul through the hands of Sheila Morales. The Reiki Sessions I have had with her have calmed my soul and have made my mind clear so I can make rational decisions in regards to the issues I have had to deal with lately.

Friday, May 1, 2015

The Thing About Fat Club is....

So I am on this journey, this body image positive, get into shape, lose a little weight journey. Don't get me wrong I love who I am but that doesn't mean I can't tell I would be more comfortable if I dropped the baby weight from having the little Goblin King. Mom's of c-sections know...that annoying pooch that appears where your scar is...yuck.

As a plus size women I have come across mean comments, non supportive ass holes and general douche nuggets. However I never thought that some of these people would be in the plus size community.

In my "travels" I have found fat groups come in two flavors only. 1) Those that are VERY unhappy with their weight and image or are really unhealthy. These are the ones riding the diet/excessive train, weight loss surgery path. Which is fine for them! I don't belong to that group cause aside from 20 to 60 pounds I am totally good with being a plus size woman, always have been an that's not the issue. In their groups I hear things like , "why don't you work out more?" "You know you shouldn't eat that." And dammit! Leave me and my Margarita alone. When I start to obsess over food the bulimia kicks right back in. So these types of groups are neither healthy or safe for me.

The next group # 2) The Body Image Flavor. They are the plus size people TOTALLY content with their weight and how they look, they DGAF about anyone's opinion and are into the #effthatbeautystandard , healthy at any size, #imnoangel ,  #imnomodeleither stuff that has been going around. Now I love that, for the first time EVER I see girls close to my size on the TV being portrayed as beautiful and worthy of love and respect.

These are the women (and men) who wear what they want, exercise (I have seen them do marathons belly dance, p90x, cross fit and yoga!) and basically do what they want. The issue is in these groups I come across bans about talking about weight loss or anything slightly negative about your body, they don't offer the encouragement you may need if you simply want to lose a few pounds and are struggling with how you view yourself.

So where do I go? I want to belong to a supportive group where it is a safe place to not only brag about my accomplishments and how pretty and awesome feel and how my yoga or belly dancing work out went but where I can also say "hey I do feel like I need to lose a few pounds, I am unhappy with the way certain parts of me look, any suggestions?" And not be attacked or ostracized cause I have broached the dreaded subject of weight loss or that I may think about my body in a negative light sometimes.

 I understand not wanting a forum full of fat girls simply bitching,  too much negativity will kill you, but the normal levels like, "woke up this morning and feel fatter and uglier than normal." (Which every woman I know has genuinely felt at least once)....So that another lovely lady can respond, "I UNDERSTAND, but it doesn't define you, you are still awesome. This is what I do to get out of my funk!" How does this hurt people, I find it helpful and where can I find i?

`I fall in between these two flavors and once more this plus size girl battles with depression and that she doesn't fit in with her own community. I am a plus size woman who generally likes her body and who she is, I have struggled with bulimia and body image and weight issues my whole life. I know what my body feels like and what weight it is happiest with. Is that a crime; to want to discuss these feelings with other people that might actually get it? People who won't simply tell me to get my fat ass on a treadmill, but to be actually be helpful and understand sometimes it's not about your actual weight, but how you view yourself and a treadmill doesn't fix that. I know plenty of  plus size girls who lost weight and still felt un sexy, not pretty and lost.

Sometimes if I cross a mirror naked I have brief flashes of self loathing, born from years of seeing what the media thinks I should look like and romance novels full of heroines with smooth soft white skin, little waists and perky breasts. It takes me a few minutes to a day to get over it and remember all the things I love about myself and my body. and the fact that 50 pounds of this weight is three children I wouldn't give up for the world. 20 pounds is the courtship with my now husband and 10 pounds are fun drunken girls nights. This fat tells my story as do the stretch marks the scars and the grey hairs.

So that leaves my reason for this post, where is my group? Full of fashion forward sexy plus size moms who occasionally have moments of self doubt that they need encouragement with, where all topics on weight are welcome in a safe, troll free environment.

I guess I am just feeling melancholy because I have learned the #1 rule about fat club is...you don't talk about how fat you really are, or how fat you feel. Cause no one cares if you are not 1) Striving to become thin or 2) rocking a fatkini and giving an i-don't-give-a-fuck stare 24/7.