Sunday, April 19, 2015

For Fun: The Definitive Rank of Disney Hero's

Part 3 of 4

Hey All!  Fun posts back! lol So today I am making a list of Disney Hero's. Again none of these hero's are animals...That's for part 4 of 4, and they are only from Disney Movies that are animated, that I have seen. Also this list includes the Princes, based on what their role in the movie was, not how dreamy they are. So if I missed one fee free to tell me who, where they should rank and why. And once again the is for fun, so laugh and live a little!

1)Jack Skellington (From a Nightmare Before Christmas)
Three words: Fucking Pumpkin King

2) Hercules
He is a stubborn kid who just wants to rejoin his real parents, but loves his adopted parents. Sure he lets the fame get to him a bit, but in the end he sacrifices all for the women he loves.

3) Arthur Pendragon ( Sword in the Stone)
Forced into becoming the King of England at age eleven (?), plus dealing with a crazy wizard and his pissed off owl? Yeah this kid's got balls.

4) Tarzan
Raised by apes, manages to love his mama, keep himself clean and had great manners.

5) Li Shang (Mulan)

I don't care for this movie....sorry... but this guy knows his shit, leads his men, teaches them how to fight and about courage....Biggest down fall? Didn't realize one of his "men" was actually a girl.

6)  Kristoff  (Frozen)

I like this guy, decent sense of humor, best friend is a ... moose...elk? Whatever.... But he sticks to his guns. Always wanted to distribute ice, well gosh darn it! He succeeds, plus he was raised by magic rock trolls so SCORE.

7) Flynn Rider (Tangled)

Sure he lied and stole and was on the run from the law...but this character was funny, good hearted and quite cute (for an animated dude.) Plus he truly cared about Rapunzel and not in the normal Prince rescue Princess kind of way. He had....wait for it....CHARACTER... (Insert dad joke here)


8) Quasimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Hate this movie with a passion. But have to give props to Quasi here who does all the work and still doesn't get the girl in the end. Gotta love his spirit.

9) Peter Pan
The boy who doesn't want to grow up so he brings his Lost Boys a mom....However in the end all the games and pranks and temper tantrums do not matter. He still send them home to the real world with Wendy.

10) John Smith (Pocahontas)
Okay first off let's forget that in reality he was a 30 year old guy perving on a 13 year old girl. In the Disney Movie I really enjoyed his character. He learns and grows and begins to understand and accept a culture that is not his own. Plus he gets hurt and can't even stay with his girl friend, and in the sequel they don't get to be together either. He has to let her go and she wind ups with another stuffy white guy with a boring name.

All the feels
11)  Mowgli (Jungle Book)
Kid is raised by wolves, bears and panthers...Is hunted by crazy snakes, evil tigers and narcissistic orangutans....still turns out normal

12) Aladdin

So he lies to the woman he loves, that's not ok...but Aladdin grew up on the streets, his only friend and obnoxious monkey. That takes guts and smarts. I find this character all about being able to make it with the odds against you.

13) Beast aka Prince Adam ( Beauty and the Beast)

Okay;he has some issues, yes? Grumpy, set in his ways, doesn't like to be seen in public (or harsh light)...Kind of like a 75 year old vampire. However he is the proof that a person can change, they can learn and grown. When he transforms back into Prince Adam he is light hearted and full of smiles! Plus dang handsome for some ink on paper.

We're getting down the bottom of the pan, the crusty stuff no one likes.  14-20 are characters I might like but based on their characters, speaking roles, plot lines and actions HAVE to make the bottom of the list.

14) Prince Naveen (Princess and the Frog)
The best part about this character is he and Tiana run a business at the end and all he really wanted to be able to do was play his music. Plus he stops acting like an entitled screw up about 30 minutes from the end of the movie.

15) Prince Philip (Sleeping Beauty)

So far down the list cause he falls in love with a girl he met for 30 minutes and then manages to get captured by some goons with the help of a damn bird... Have I mentioned three silly slightly older winged ladies have to rescue him? Plus side? Doesn't want to follow family tradition, wants to break away and make his own path...not a bad dancer.

16) Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)

Is too stupid to realize the girl he is marrying doesn't look ANYTHING like the red head who saved him. Seriously, if you pull a  man out of the water and save him from drowning he better have gotten more than, "her voice is puuuurrrrtttyy." Plus side: has a dog he is nice to and seemed to care about his household staff.

17 and 18) Prince Charming./Snow White's Prince (Cinderella and Snow White)

Eh cause they are boring: dance, put slipper here. Fall in love near a well, kiss dead girl= Happily ever fucking after.

19) Pinocchio

I hate hate hate hate this movie. First off the kid lies the whole movie away, even after a big blue fairy tells him what will happen if he does. Then he runs away, is abused by a creepy gypsy guy and sent to an Island where he can drink and party all he wants but the down side is he turns into a donkey. It only gets creepier after that. He never appreciated his "dad" or friends until the very end...Blech.

20) Kuzco (Emperors New Groove)

Wow this movie sucked. Mainly though this character was pretty unlikable. Whiny, moody, entitled...he couldn't even make llamas cute. LLAMAS! The whole time I wanted his side kick to push him off the cliff, let the bad ass bitch have the kingdom.

Hope you enjoyed!!

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love comments, just remember the commenting rules! Especially on HOT topics. I won't have trolls or douche bags on this blog.