Sunday, January 18, 2015

Happy Eleventh Birthday Monkey Princess

My daughter.

On Feburary third 2004 my life changed forever, late that afternoon, after over 24 hours of labor I held my eldest daughter in my arms. She was tiny, just over seven pounds and 20 inches long. This perfect pink all over and as Lorelai Gilmore says, "she even smelled pink." She was soft, fuzzy with a tiny cry, little hands and dark eyes that stared at me like I was her whole world.

I was not even 21 yet, while a lot of my friends were going to school, partying, dancing, dating. I was being a Mama. I did manage to go to the club and get drunk after my 21st birthday. I have had a lot of parties and fun, but always with my Princess, my little monkey sleeping soundly in her room/crib, or tucked away with a baby sitter for the night.

What astounds many people is that I have never been without her. I moved from my parents house to Utah, 6 months pregnant and then had my Monkey, my baby girl. I have never really lived alone, not like my husband and several of my friends, there has ALWAYS been someone for me to look after.

My days became about feeding, changing, spit up, bath time and teething, soon followed by first steps, first words and then chasing after an adorable toddler.

When she was six months old when we took our first flight home to California, then again when she was nine months.

I bought our home when she was about ten months old, the home we still live in, and she ran through the sparse living room, the Princess of her own castle. We added furniture, cats and friends to our home and while sure there was fighting and there were tears there has also been an enormous amount of love and laughter.

I dealt with all the trials that come from being a mom; sleepless night, potty training, loss of teeth, birthday parties, a little girl repeating bad mommy words,the issues between working full time and daycare, realizing she has outgrown another pair of pants, fevers that won't go away, questions like, "Are these enough Christmas presents?" and "How do I teach her to tie her shoes?" or "Do I make my own baby food or buy it?" and how bout, "What happens if I am late picking her up from daycare?" I learned how to make up dinner lists and grocery shop...While I knew the basics of cooking I taught myself how to cook better, healthier foods, as well as comforting junk food.

There have been midnight tea and cookies, late night marshmallow roastings with scary stories, day times full of CSI and NCIS, afternoons lazy with Dora the Explorer and mornings exciting with the prospect of a zoo or museum.

I cried at her first day of Kindergarten, burst with pride when she was accepted in the dual immersion program, have been hesitant over crushes on boys, petrified as she started walking to school by herself and over joyed with her grades.

She has taken two weddings, a divorce and the birth of a little sister and brother like the true Princess she is. She is talkative, beautiful, smart, a bit moody, learning to use sarcasm properly, funny, messy and a typical girl loving pink, Barbie and fairy tales.

We have spent five nights at Primary Children's hospital, two when she had Bronchitis when she was two and three when she swallowed a battery at seven.

I have dealt with her being bullied and a misunderstanding where she WAS the bully.

We have done therapy, immunizations, talks about sex, rape, homosexuality, women's rights, alcohol , drugs and equality. Anything and everything she asks about or is confused about. She reads everything from silly books about night fairies to children's religious books and her pagan primer. She does ritual with me and her aunt and when she see her grandparents attends church, while her voice isn't the best she loves to sing.

She is precious to me (as are all my children) like nothing I ever thought would be. I don't censure her, we are honest, I try and make it clear she can talk to me about anything.

She has never wanted for anything, I always make sure that no matter what I have to do she is clothed, fed, has books, toys, TV...When she turned ten she got a basic flip phone, specifically for safety.

Maybe she's a bit spoiled...But I figure growing up with a single mom the majority of the time, having to deal with her crazy little sister, and us never having enough money to put her in sports or dance or go away to summer camp, she doesn't have a computer of her own or a smart phone and our house is old, warrants a little spoiling. I want her to look back on her childhood and know she was loved, adored, wanted and be happy have good childhood memories.

 She is growing up so fast...too fast.... she reads at a 9th grade level, she pouts and storms off to her room, she is into clothes now and has self esteem issues, she is becoming a teenager, a young lady.

She turns 11 in 16 days, I hope she knows how special she is, how much light she has brought to my life and to everyone's life who knows and loves her. I never thought I wanted to be a mother and now I cannot think about my life without being one...being hers.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl.

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