Friday, June 20, 2014

Baby Bump Update and LDS Family Services

Almost 29 weeks.

So I am officially in my third trimester. The last two weeks have been seriously sucky.
First off I fell and spent three days in the hospital in relation to said fall, apparently my blood pressure is fine, but I was very dehydrated. It’s amazing how you can think you are getting enough water, but in reality you are not. So now I have the awesome University of Utah cup that I have to drink three times a day, it comes to 96 oz of water a day and it’s really difficult, not to mention that now I practically live in the bathroom.

I had to do my glucose diabetes test this week and it was really gross. I think I am ok, but haven’t gotten my results yet. That stuff is like drinking eight oz of flat lemon lime soda with three times as much sugar. My heart rate increased but I felt ok, however as anyone who has been pregnant knows…Heart burn is like three times worse during this time and that shit gave me monster heart burn. I went home, threw up and seriously slept from 630pm-930pm, woke up long enough to chat with my husband for about an hour and make sure my girls were ok and then went back to sleep until almost6am.

My youngest daughter has spent the last five days fighting off a stomach bug that I can only pray I don’t get, I cannot afford to take time off from work.L

I feel the baby move all the time now and it is so exciting! I cannot wait for him to come. We are almost 100 % certain it’s a boy from the great ultrasound last week…Which I am not surprised about since this pregnancy has been so different than my girls.  The morning sickness was horrible for about a month or two and then went away. With my girls I was pretty much sick the ENTIRE TIME. Plus I have gotten such bad acne with this pregnancy, I hate it!  I can’t even walk right now because my lungs are being so squished I am constantly out of breath. Trying to exercise, but it is not going so well.  I also have this terrifying feeling that Jareth (that’s our little one’s name and yes it is after the Goblin King from Labyrinth) is going to come early and I am not nearly prepared enough. I literally have NOTHING but like three articles of clothing.

I just can’t wait to hand this baby to my Boo, he loves my girls like his own, but he has never had a newborn or a child that is biologically his. He is such a good daddy and I can’t wait to share this new adventure with him. I am so excited for Jareth to come and wish the time would speed up! I have never been this excited over a pregnancy before. Possibly because I know Boo will be a good daddy and actually wants all of us in his life, forever, that makes a big difference, to not feel temporary or anxious and worried all the time.

Now on too some sad news. I was just informed that LDS Family Services will no longer be providing adoption services. This service has been one of the largest adoption services in the United States and has helped many LDS Families and birth moms (LDS or not). As you may have read earlier my sister recently used this service and it was wonderful! They can afford to do adoptions much cheaper than other agencies because the service takes NO money from the state and is completely church funded.

LDS family services allows couples to adopt and it costs anywhere from 4 thousand dollars to 10 thousand dollars, depending on their income because it is subsidized by the church. Other agencies charge anywhere from 30 thousand dollars or higher.

This is horrible news! People who want to adopt a baby who needs a home should not have to pay  more than 15 thousand dollars for an adoption service, the USA might as well just make selling your children legal at this point, because honestly that is what that kind of money amounts too.

Apparently the church will still offer the supportive services, like counseling, and support groups but they will no longer be adoption brokers, apparently the church thinks less and less unwed mothers are giving their babies up for adoption.

I don’t understand how this makes any sense. I attended a support group with my sister and it included three women who gave babies up for adoption in the last two years and my sister’s social worker told me that many do not come to group, since LDS family services helps women from all over Utah and outside the state. So it isn’t even an accurate representation.

 Fine, the numbers in the last 30 years have gone from 15 percent of women to 1 percent, but since the church is supposed to be in this to help people and not for the money I find this reasoning to be absolute bull shit. Yes with birth control and the social stigma behind single moms helping with the problem of unwed mothers I understand why the number has decreased and it is a good thing! But it does not mean that there are not unwed (and wed!) mother’s out there who will find themselves in need of adoption services and help.

Personally I feel that with the fact that gay marriage will soon be legal in Utah LDS Family Services does not want to have to deal with the fact that they may be pressured into allowing gay couples to adopt babies through their service. While yes, being a church should protect them from this; it is only a matter of time before it would have happened. (AS IS SHOULD- EQUALITY FOR ALL!)

I have seen a lot of bitchy comments about how badly LDS Family services sucks. Birth fathers coming back and suing, people not knowing where their grandchildren are, mother’s not receiving support. Having just  watched my sister go through this I was to tackle some of these.

1)     My sister’s social worker had to contact a lawyer about father’s rights before doing the adoption. They had to know what kind of laws the state HE lived in had before the adoption could proceed. She was not allowed to lie to the birth father about the adoption.

2)     For the past ten years LDS Family services has primarly done open adoptions and I spoke to several women with whom this worked. If you are pissed because you don’t know where your grandchild is or how they are doing then you obviously were not a part of the process or your daughter chose a closed adoption or to not keep up communication.

3)     They have support groups and there is always private counseling if the birth mom is really doing bad. Adoption IS NOT EASY. My sister talks to her counselor almost every day and sees her about once a week. They care about what happens to the birth mother. If your daughter has had a bad time dealing with the adoption perhaps you should get off your ass and HELP HER.

I am angry and saddened by the church’s decision to cut out this service and can only hope it doesn’t determinately affect adoption culture.

On a lighter note to end this blog I ate yellow watermelon as I was writing this…still as gross as normal watermelon, but funny.

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