Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Poem: Always in the Red

Because today my depression is getting the better of me and everything seems to be piling up on top of me, not enough money, not enough time...I bet some of you also know how it feels to be beaten down by life.
Bright Blessings to you and yours.

Always working, always worrying;

Stress, fear, anxiety, my bed fellows.

Always in the red and the not the green;

Trying to find my place, struggling to make a life.

Accidental screw ups, feeling stupid;

Sadness and pressure lurking around each corner.

Not enough time to do all the things I want/wish/must/have to;

I don’t get to participate in:

Big things, like first days of school;

My parents visiting;

Venue stalking.

Always feeling overwhelmed and tired;

Happiness is there, but mostly fleeting.

Love and passion embrace me, but all too often are stamped out.

Fighting to get a head, falling on my face;

Death seems like such a permanent answer, too permanent.

Stomach tightening, throat burning, eyes filling.

I am not involved in:

Little things, like field trips;

Karaoke night;

Doctor’s appointments.

Continuously ,of late lost and lonely;

Darkness, all-consuming with pin pricks of light.

I just want to be able to breathe;

To not feel like every day is frustrating, like the Gods are punishing me.

I need to have peace…I need to have the time to;

Be a better mother

Be a better friend

Be a better daughter

Plan the perfect wedding…

Not constantly wishing for the….end….of continually being in the red.

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