Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Poem: Always in the Red

Because today my depression is getting the better of me and everything seems to be piling up on top of me, not enough money, not enough time...I bet some of you also know how it feels to be beaten down by life.
Bright Blessings to you and yours.

Always working, always worrying;

Stress, fear, anxiety, my bed fellows.

Always in the red and the not the green;

Trying to find my place, struggling to make a life.

Accidental screw ups, feeling stupid;

Sadness and pressure lurking around each corner.

Not enough time to do all the things I want/wish/must/have to;

I don’t get to participate in:

Big things, like first days of school;

My parents visiting;

Venue stalking.

Always feeling overwhelmed and tired;

Happiness is there, but mostly fleeting.

Love and passion embrace me, but all too often are stamped out.

Fighting to get a head, falling on my face;

Death seems like such a permanent answer, too permanent.

Stomach tightening, throat burning, eyes filling.

I am not involved in:

Little things, like field trips;

Karaoke night;

Doctor’s appointments.

Continuously ,of late lost and lonely;

Darkness, all-consuming with pin pricks of light.

I just want to be able to breathe;

To not feel like every day is frustrating, like the Gods are punishing me.

I need to have peace…I need to have the time to;

Be a better mother

Be a better friend

Be a better daughter

Plan the perfect wedding…

Not constantly wishing for the….end….of continually being in the red.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Friday Five- The Person Who (Yes I know it is Monday)

Friday 5 is a fun meme hosted by

1.At a business establishment you patronize regularly, what might the employees refer to you as, when they speak of you behind your back?

Probably that fat girl who eats everything. Or the Loud Chick

2.Similarly, at your places of employment, current and/or past, what do either the patrons or brand-new employees who don’t remember your name yet probably refer to you as?
The friendly funny one...I guess...Or the girl with the really curly hair

3.Aliens have come to earth to observe families and take notes. If each member of your family is listed as the one who __________, which are you? (bonus question: what are the others in your family written down as?)
The thin tall talkative girl
the evil red head
the bossy loud one
the one who cries alot
the quiet reader

4.You meet someone you had a crush on in high school, someone who didn’t know you felt that way (let’s say you meet him or her in the grocery store, and that the snow is falling Christmas Eve…). He or she doesn’t remember your name, but does remember you. How are you cataloged in this old crush’s memory?
The leader of that group who hung out at the bench

5.If a hobby of yours were to have some kind of club, and if the other club members only knew you by your particular preferences, styles, or behaviors in that hobby, how would they refer to you?
The one who reads all the paranormal romance

Friday, August 9, 2013

Friday Five- What's it Like and The Grass is Always Greener

So since I missed last week's here is a twofer! Remember Friday Five is a meme hosted by

1. What’s something non food-related you have to go to a nearby town to do because the town where you live doesn’t have it? Umm.. Ok I have to drive to down town Salt Lake to get really good Chinese food. MAGIC SOUP

2. What’s something you go to a nearby town to do because your town’s version of it isn’t as good? Ummm I can’t think of anything. Back home in Oroville I had to drive to Chico to get to a really good book store….Here not sure.

3. What’s something people in nearby towns come to your town to do?
Go to the Temple

4. In what way are residents of a nearby town different from residents in your town?
Oh we are all pretty different and yet the same. Salt Lake City and the suburbs have a ton of different kinds of people. Though I guess Magna has more cowboy type people

5. Many towns give themselves nicknames, like “______ Capital of America” or “America’s ___________est Town” or “Home of __________.” What would be a good nickname along these lines to give the town where you live?
Kearns The Town That’s Looked Down Upon and Under Estimated

1. What’s the outgoing message on your voicemail like?
I think it is pretty basic, Hi the is me, leave a message after the beep and I may or may not get back to you

2. What’s the wallpaper on your computer like?
Hotness of David Tennant baby!

3. What’s stuck to your fridge door?
Magnets , the dinner menu for the current two weeks , photos, and kids drawings

4. What’s your daily organizer like?
HAHAHAHAH Oh…you’re serious. I don’t have a daily organizer

5. What’s signature on your personal emails like?
“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero

Breast Feeding Awareness Week

The past week was World Breast Feeding Week. So while I am a few days late I want to talk about this.

Let me start out with this I Support You! II support any way you choose to feed your child, as long as you are feeding it! Lol breast is not always best for some moms and for others it is. As long as your children are happy and healthy that is what really matters.

I Support You, and your RIGHT to breast feed your child anywhere and not feel shamed into covering up. People over sexualize breasts and that’s why they are uncomfortable. People see breasts as a sex organ so when I woman whips it out in public they go OMG NO!! She is INDECENT! This is bull shit of the highest nature. Breasts were created to feed your child; the added bonus is the sex thing. LMAO

We don’t make men cover up their chests in public. So if you want to cover up fine, if not then don’t. Have you seen that commercial? It starts: “First Child” and the mom is in a restaurant hiding her feeding baby under a blanket and then it changes to the same woman: ”second child” she is ordering food while feeding and tells the waiter “eyes up here” while her surly two year old glares? I can’t remember the product but I love that commercial.

I could not breast feed my first daughter. My milk never came in and I was pretty depressed by it. I also have small nipples so I had to wear a nipple shield and she had issues latching on. I gave birth at the U of U and felt very pressured to breast feed. They wouldn’t give me formula until I begged for it because my baby girl was hungry and I couldn’t feed her. My Princess is healthy and happy and was formula fed. I didn’t have issues weaning her from the bottle and her current teeth issues are thumb sucking ones, not bottle ones.

With my second daughter I was going to pump, which was a pain in the butt. I made the choice not to breast feed because 1) I am a working mother 2) I didn’t feel it was right for us and 3) At the time, and now, I have nipple piercings I really like and taking them in and out was annoying. She is like my first daughter, happy and healthy and was bottle formula fed, with no issues. I went to Salt Lake Regional and was upfront with my intentions to formula feed, the staff there was really nice and gave me formula, no one tried to push a lactation nurse on me and respected my choices.

If you haven’t noticed that is a running theme here…YOUR CHOICE. So women (and men) be supportive of each other.

Here are some interesting breast feeding/ baby formula stats and facts. As always I love to hear your own stories.

• Recent studies show that babies who are exclusively breastfed for 6 months are less likely to develop ear infections, diarrhea, and respiratory illnesses. They may also be less likely to develop childhood obesity.

• Breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast and ovarian cancers.

• Breast feeding costs less than formula!

• Formula, a lot of times, gives the babies more of their required nutritional needs than breast feeding.

• Formula fed infants sometimes stay full longer

• Feeding with formula is a faster more convenient option for many moms.