Like always this is my opinion, you can agree or disagree I don’t care. If you don’t like what I say please feel free to MOVE ALONG.
Virginity…. It’s a scary word… I don’t know why it is, but it IS. People all over the world treat it like a prize or a disease.
For ME sex is pretty personal. I have had a few one night stands, one was meh and one was GREAT some of the best sex ever…I swear! Lol. However THE best sex and the most fulfilling has been with people I loved (or thought I loved), someone who took the time to get to know me and what I liked.
Virginity however, that’s a whole other issue. So many questions… When? Why? How? Where? With whom? Will I be a slut? Should I save myself for marriage? Will it hurt? Will I like it? What about pregnancy? What about STDS?
Well…. Let’s go over these one by one.
When you are ready and not a moment before that. This is a personal decision. You shouldn’t let ANYONE pressure you, not a boyfriend/girlfriend, society, friends…. This is about your body. I decided I was ready when I was 18. I thought I was ready a year before and became so nervous I couldn’t stop shaking; my vagina clenched tighter than a vise and I almost threw up. When I decided it was right, by body went along with me…And NO ONE but me made that decision. My best friend will be 30 this year and is still a virgin. There is no shame in that. She just hasn’t found the person or the time to do it. Is there some law out there that says you HAVE to have sex before a certain age? No fucking way. This is YOUR body. You have sex when YOU want to…I don’t know how many times I have to say that.
Again, because you want to. Could be a ton of reasons; You are in love/like/lust. You have made the pro con sheet, thought about it, read articles, talked to your friends and YOU have decided you want to. Not a moment before. Sex is pretty awesome when done correctly and for the right reasons. Having sex because “everyone” else is doing it will probably leave a bad taste in your mouth. The WHY for me was because I was in love and horny. It was/is probably different for you.
Well…. Check out some porn, read a couple of romance novels, ask people who have done it and check Cosmo, honestly the HOW is the simplest part of the losing your V-Card equation. I did it with my panties and tank top still on, in missionary position in a Captain’s Bed. Lol
Once more… personal preference. Don’t do it some where sleazy. I always hear these horror stories about women who lose their virginity in the back of a car, under bleachers, in a bathroom. Remember this is your body and your dignity. You really just want to be comfortable. I was in my boyfriend’s bedroom; another friend lost it on the floor of her parent’s computer room, another on her boyfriend’s couch. They all had decent experiences where they didn’t feel rushed, cramped or embarrassed. In high school this one girl got caught having sex in the boy’s bathroom. I don’t know if it was her first time, but you can imagine the reputation she had after that. You can plan losing your virginity it does not have to be spontaneous and icky.
This is going to vary per person. For me it was my ex husband, we had been dating for three months and done quite a bit of foreplay. I recommend losing your v-card to a boyfriend or girlfriend and not just some random stranger, but that’s my own opinion.
Will I be a slut?
I am addressing this because of the copious amounts of slut shaming I see going on right now in the World. A man can have sex and be a stud, a woman does it and she is a slut. If you have sex you are not a slut! But you need to know that the world looks at women who enjoy sex and have sex outside of marriage as temptresses and whores…It’s horrible and unfortunate and so NOT TRUE…. I wish I could change it for my own daughters. Being an outspoken liberal female is my way of trying to combat this slut shaming stigma.
When I lost my V-card I didn’t feel like a slut. I felt pretty proud of myself, pleased and happy.
Should I save myself for marriage?
My opinion? No… You don’t buy shoes without trying them on first. Lol. I know a lot of people who waited for marriage and wish now they didn’t. I also know people who got married simply because they wanted to have sex. “Saving” yourself for the wedding night, I find, a ridiculous concept. You are not a used piece of chewing gum or candy just because you have sex with someone besides your husband or wife. Your virginity is not a special gift you have to only give to one person. I mean what if you do wait for marriage you give your spouse this special “gift” and they die? When you get re married is your relationship with your new spouse any less meaningful because you cannot “give” them your v-card? I know a lot of guys who cringe even at the mention of having to deal with a girl’s virginity. I also know some that like the idea of being the FIRST. People are weird.
Again this is something for you to really think about and decide whether or not it is YOUR values or someone else’s values making the decision for you. Saving yourself for marriage is primarily a religious concept. And mainly (though not all) a monotheistic religious concept, Pagans embraces sexual freedom. Another reason why I dig being a witch. When I was in school a bunch of people signed petitions stating they would wait till marriage before having sex, I always wonder how many of them actually waited. I am not saying it is a bad thing, I am sure many people have waited and been happy with the outcome. I am just saying for me? Yeah….nope.
Will it hurt? Will I like it?
For me and many of my friends it did hurt, from a lot to a little. I don’t know anyone (female) where their first time didn’t include blood or pain, at least a little. I have heard stories of girls who felt no pain, but I think this is the exception and not the rule. You may or may not enjoy your first time. I had a friend whose boyfriend pulled the old “if you love me you’ll have sex with me” line and she hated every minute of it. Another friend dated this guy who put her in a warm bath afterwards and during her first time was slow and patient…She really enjoyed it. I had an ok time, it wasn’t the best thing ever, but it wasn’t horrible. Rover was pretty good at making me enjoy myself and feel comfortable, sexually. The worse part was when I had to pee afterwards; it burned like a son of a bitch. A few hours later though I was more than willingly to do it again. I recommend your first time being with someone more experienced than you, at least then one of you has a partial clue of what’s going on.
What about pregnancy? What about STDs
Please see my blog posts on birth control and how abstinence only programs do not work. Use protection and get tested.
Wrapping this post up I want to ask you to share your virginity losing story here, this is a no judgment zone. It IS a serious topic in a society that puts stigmas on everything and tries to make people
In the end don’t let ANYONE, society, religion, friends, anyone make or take this decisions from you. It really is all about you, your choice, your body.
Links of Interest
Kids Sexual Health
Losing it in Your 20's