Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dreams Shouldn't Die, or something like that

Do you have a dream? I sure do and it’s to be a famous author.

Writing is hard and it’s not something that everyone can or should do. Putting pen to paper, or in my case, fingers to key board can be stressful. It doesn’t matter if I am writing fan fiction, this blog, erotica, a new manuscript, a book review or a paper for school. I love to write, I love words and I love putting them all together and making something out of them. Making something either for myself or for others to read, enjoy, laugh at, and become angry with, just some sort of emotion.

I have always been told I am a good writer. I have had book reviews published in news papers, had great comments from the ones I have written online. I have been paid for erotica, gotten rave reviews in the fan fiction community and the people around me have always enjoyed my story telling ability.

Of late I have been feeling like either a) I am failing my writing or b) my writing is failing me. I have currently finished my third manuscript and it took me a year just to complete it. Maybe it would have taken less time if I hadn’t been dealing with kids, a job and a divorce.

Writing is a huge process. First I have to come up with an idea, then I have to map it out, outline it, then a more detailed outline, maybe draw a map for myself, make lists and notes until I have covered all my bases…Then I write, I write until my eyes burn and my fingers cramp. I write until there is nothing left for me to put on the paper. I re read the manuscript several times before Katie (my best friend) reads it through. Then I send it to my mom, who used to be the Editor of the Oroville Mercury Register.

I usually get it back from her filled with red marks, slashes and comments. Katie (such a good friend) then fixes it while I work on a query letter and a synopsis. Then the hard part really begins, taking this manuscript that I love and submitting it to literary agents. I send to agent after agent, praying, hoping, begging that someone likes it enough to read the whole thing, to take me on as a client.

And that is where I am stuck, right now. I have submitted queries to over 55 agents. That is a shit load of time and emails. It’s my hopes, dreams and fears in the hands of other people. But mainly, fear… Because of the other two novels no one wanted. Princess of Death is what the new novel is called. And so far she has gotten 18 rejections, not even one person has asked to see more. This is depressing. Nothing is quite like working your ass off for something you really want; on a product you think is polished and the best thing you’ve done so far, just to feel like the entire time you spent was a giant waste. Maybe you’re NOT as talented as you thought you were.

Which is where I am right now… Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a writer; maybe I will never see my books on shelves at Barnes and Nobles… Or maybe... I am being a pathetic whiner. Maybe I am brilliant and the agents are telling the truth, my manuscript is just not what they are looking for right now. Maybe I am just a genius and my stuff is way too good for the YA Shelf… I mean have you read some of the crap that comes out of that section? Millions of YA books come out each year and I read a ton of them. In the past two years I have read 66 young adult novels and of those 66, sixteen of them were complete utter crap. Sure that doesn’t sound like a whole lot, but I mean they were awful and most of my fellow YA reading friends agreed.

So if garbage like Twilight can be published why can’t mine? I could give up; I guess…If I truly wanted to. But I probably won’t, the lifetime dream/goal is for me to be a successful author and even if it takes until I am old and gray that is what I am going to become.

And here is a little me pimping myself time. My other two books sell fairly well self published on Kindle for I don’t make a whole lot of money off them because I have them listed for cheap…I mean c’mon they ARE self published. But they still do fairly good and I am proud of them. They were hard work and a lot of me went into those novels.

Just in case you are interested:

After Realm
This is a gothic urban retelling of the fairy tale the 12 DANCING PRINCESSES

Hellebella is not your average teenager. She is a demon princess from the underworld. She does, however, have teenager tendencies. She is outspoken, blunt, funny and rebellious. When a final act of rebellion sends her father into a rage, he sends her off to the North American School of Paranormal Princes-sing where he hopes she can learn to become a proper young lady and do something constructive with her life.

Not the only princess being sent away to the NASPP, Hellebella meets a lively bunch of girls from different paranormal kingdoms, including fairies, a vampire and shape-shifters. But not everything is light and happy at school. The girls find themselves entranced by a secret and mysterious club in another realm. There, they are forced to dance every night, and if they do not the consequences are dire.

Helle, as her new friends call her, must find a way to break them free of the spell holding them hostage, figure out WHO is behind the malicious magic and struggle with her own love for her best friend’s brother. Hopefully she can save them in time, before they become ghosts powerless to stop the magic from harming someone else.

Rose Blossom (Warning, I started this BEFORE Twilight was popular but didn’t get it out until after vampires had already gone crazy wild through teen girl’s hearts. So yes it’s a bit clichéd and there are total stereotypes that you find a LOT now a days…But its cute, so I still love it.)
High school senior Rhodanthe Watson dreams of a life like any other girl her age; boyfriend, pick a good college, and find the perfect shade of lip gloss. But her reality is an overbearing and overprotective mom, and actually making it to college by surviving the heart condition she's had for years.

Meeting and falling in love with Julian, a handsome and mysterious new boy at school, was never on the list, neither was finding out that he's a vampire.

Being the girlfriend of a vampire has its dark side; especially when a jealous classmate decides to do something about her relationship; a move that threatens to destroy the dreams within Rhodanthe's grasp.

Rhodanthe must choose between her family, the fate that's been struggling to continue beating in her chest for years and a new love that comes with a high price...immortality or death.

So for anyone out there dreaming, hoping and wishin… Don’t give up… It may be corny but ask yourself…What would young you think of where you are today?? I know mine would be pretty distraught, but at least if I succeed in this one thing she will stand up in my chest, jump up and down like a freak and cheer me on.

Some fun Book links

How many times was Twilight Rejected?

Famous Authors who were rejected

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