Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Single Motherhood

I decided it was time to write about the fact that I am a single mom.

When I first got pregnant with my daughter I moved to Utah, to put some distance between her father and I. I lived with some very nice people, had my baby and until she was one raised her by myself with no help from her father. Her father made me get her paternity tested and then, because he almost NEVER had a job, I eventually began to get sporadic child support checks.

My best friend in the whole world, Turtle, then moved in with me as a fucking GOD SEND. To help out financially and to give me a little extra support. I have been so lucky in that aspect. But even so…I have been on welfare, Medicaid and food stamps most of my daughter’s lives. Because I just do NOT make enough money to pay all the bills, afford day care or do much more than live pay check to pay check. I have to ask my mom to bail me out sometimes…As a grown woman this sucks and hurts my pride…But I try and that’s really what matters.

I have regrets, a lot of them… I was 20 when I got pregnant, I made some bad choices in my life, nothing, however, that has affected my kids.

I have done things I am not proud of and while I am constantly employed I have worked at call centers and I hate them…so I bounced around for a little while trying to find someplace I was comfortable. Someplace that didn’t make me feel like it was sucking out my soul.

After I got married things got better, we still got Medicaid but that was it, no food stamps, no day care money. When my husband lost his job I started getting food stamps again and when I had to kick him out I suddenly found myself back where I had been so many years ago…But this time with two little girls. Thank the Dark Goddess, again, for Turtle.

Even with the help from the government I struggled to get all my bills paid, work full time, go to school full time and lead something of a normal life. I prescribe to the belief that I need me time, I need down time. Without time away from my kids I become HULK MOM, evil and mean. And I think most parents would agree, sometimes you need a little you time.

So I dated and eventually met a great guy who I have been with almost two years who treats me like a Goddess.

I don’t mind being called lazy, I am….I like sitting on my couch with the TV or a good book and I hate to have to work and do chores. However, I do it, and my kids want for nothing. They are smart, beautiful and clean. They have a great loving support system made out of my friends and family. So when people use the term “living off the government” “welfare queen” and “abusing the system.” It pisses me off, obviously those people have never needed help, those services are meant to be used and they help a LOT of people. There really are not that many people currently abusing the system.

My girls don’t have a daddy. He left in January of 2011 and they haven’t heard from him since, not one peep. He didn’t just leave me; he left two beautiful little girls behind. He fought me on the child support so I took his ass to court and stripped him of his parental rights. Which he gave away willingly. My daughter’s father willingly walked out of their life and never looked back. He is legally no long their dad or responsible for them in any way and he was ok with that.

I know people judge me.... It is human nature to judge, espeically if you feel attacked, upset or judged first. Just remember if you want to judge me.... I can judge myself, turn that judgment back onto you and look with your special eyes at your own life...before throwing stupid, childish hatred towards me.

So I struggle, I live pay check to pay check…When I have extra money I do what every person on the planet usually does…I spend it… On myself, of my kids, on my family. I spend it to make the days a little easier and a little brighter. Our home is full of food, love, laughter and family.

On the dark days, the ones where I am stressed and depressed I always have that to hold onto. That no matter what anyone says about me, my life choices, my mistakes, I am a good mother a good friend, a good girlfriend and a good daughter. My daughters are well loved and happy. My friends love and support me, my family loves and supports me, my boyfriend is always there for me. And I usually love and support myself.

Everyone screws up. It happens, is this where I thought my life would be when I was dreaming about it at 18? Not really. Is this where I wanted to be now that I am about to turn 30? No it isn’t. But it is my life, and yeah a ton of crap has happened over the years, but a lot of laughter has happened as well.

Some interesting facts

85.2 % of single parents are mother and post make less that 25 thousand dollars a year

In 2007 there were 13.7 million single parents in the USA

79 % of single moms are employed

Most single parents get help from an outside source, i.e. a friend or grandparent

Some good links:


(This article talks about many of the things I do here, about having fun and taking time for yourself)




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