Friday, December 7, 2012

How not to become a victim of a serial killer

As anyone can tell you I have a HUGE interest in serial killers. I have since I was little. Pretty much if it’s serial killer related then I like it. Though I am a little snobby, it can’t just be ANY serial killer. There needs to be something unique. For example the ones that fascinate me at any time or place are ; Jack the Ripper, Elizabeth Bathory, Ted Bundy, and H.H. Holmes.

I also enjoy any tale that has murder in it with off twists. I like a good Angel of Mercy or Poisoned story (especially crazy women who poison like twelve husbands), cults that commit mass suicide and the occasional mass murderer. (Hello, grew up in California, Manson is creepy AND interesting.)

With all the morbid and macabre facts, stories, trivia and crap floating around my head today’s blog is a humorous one. Renee’s Top Ten Ways NOT to Become a Victim of a Serial Killer.

Now, these are my personal little tidbits and rules. They are NOT 100% effective because lets face it… Humans are deranged and sometimes fall outside the patterns and confinements that we set up. There is always a loop hole or an exception.

1) Have a penis. Or do not have a vagina – Yeah this one is kind of hard to change, but statistically speaking most serial killers prey on women. 91 % of serial killers are male

2) Do not be white- Yeah again, hard to do anything about. But serial killers like to kill usually within their own ethnic race and by 2010 52% of all serial killers were white.

3) Do not live in the United States- Yes I know here is a pattern. This is also hard to change if you already live in the U.S, but compared to other countries our serial killer rate is ridiculous.

4) Do not be a cheap easy tart- Okay, that sounds mean and is not always accurate. But most serial killers pray on prostitutes and other sex type workers like consorts and strippers. This is also a good horror movie rule too.

5) Do not be a virgin- yeah ok so now you have to find a nice balance between innocent and harlotville… But serial killers also like young innocent people too. Elizabeth Bathory killed over 600 virgins and bathed in their blood.

6) Do not isolate yourself- this means no walking around by yourself, especially at night and especially in places where no one is around. And if you HAVE to, keep yourself alert and possibly armed.

7) The Three S’s: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t get in vehicles with strangers and don’t take anything from strangers- Yes your mother was right.

8) Do not give out personal information online and if you are doing the online dating thing use common sense, well known sites, public places and BE CAREFUL.

9) Be overweight - yeah well not the HEALTHIEST option. But serial killers tend to like skinny victims because they have to haul around your dead weight.

10) Educate yourself- so know what a predator looks like and use common sense and sound judgment. Read and do not bury your head in the sand. If it seems too good to be true then it is. If your inner warning bells go off, listen to them.

So, yeah those are the top ten. Now here are five basic guidelines just to make sure you don’t wind up in any other horrible scenarios.

A) Do not join a cult or become a religious zealot.

B) If someone other than your normal nurse or doctor tries to medicate you ask questions first.

C) See a therapist if you have thoughts of suicide, depression or murder

D) If someone you know has more than one person in their life die from something questionable do not take food or drink from them.

E) Do not become homeless or run away from home. It makes you an easy target.

So hopefully this amused you and maybe gave you some things to think about. Have a great weekend.

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