Wednesday, December 12, 2012
To marry or not to marry?
To divorce or not to divorce?
These are questions I think everyone thinks about at least once in their life, if not more. Both acts are serious and should take time, thought and consideration before doing.
I got married in 2009. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I married a boy I had a crazy up and down relationship with since 2001. I married him because I thought he had changed, because we had a daughter together and were about to have another. I married him because I thought he loved me and I loved him. It wasn’t love, it was addiction, I was addicted to that loser. He made me feel sexy and special while at the same time treating me like dirt. What I thought was us having a connection, having things in common and being the perfect match was just my hopes and dreams cramming themselves inside a box with the words “Settling” engraved on it.
My wedding day was great. I had a fun time surrounded by family and friends. We eloped in Las Vegas and Elvis sang. It was beautiful, it was quirky, it was a little trashy and totally me…Well the ME I was when I was with him. The toned down, cruder, trashier (not in a bad way I use the term trashy with love) less smart, less sophisticated, B version of myself. It was funny and aside from some normal wedding day stress I wasn’t too worried, at the time I figured, “This is it! I am going to be with him forever.” Which couldn’t have been further from the miserable truth.
That is not to say my marriage was horrible. I mean most bad marriages are not awful all the time, just some of the time. Maybe he screamed at me a lot, but didn’t I yell back? Maybe he never listened, or was I nagging? Maybe he pushed me around, got a little physical… But didn’t I throw things in moments of rage? If he didn’t treat our kids well all the time wasn’t that just because I was the mom and I should deal with the girls more than he did? I might have been a controlling bitch but he was a selfish cheating douche bag.
We just were not compatible. Did he end things childishly with a level of drama that was ridiculous? Sure, but it was probably a good thing it was over with. Do I wish things had ended differently, that he cared about his children? Oh yeah, but again it really was for the best.
We had happy times, laughter, sex and times of romance and peace. Not all my memories are bad ones. But sometimes marriages end. Mine ended in a storm of shit fire and hail the size of soft balls, but sometimes they end in quiet and softness or amicably.
The point is that before a marriage ends I believe things should be done first. If you took the time to get married, shouldn’t you take the time to try and save it? Sure there are plenty of good reasons to divorce, abuse and cheating the two big ones, but before you file papers I think couples should TALK to one another. I think couples should see a therapist together and apart. Really try to fix what went wrong and remember why you fell in love to begin with.
Though perhaps the best way to not get divorced is to not get married in the first place. People get married too fast. They do not take the time and effort needed to make a life long commitment. I have heard people say, “Well if it doesn’t work I can always get a divorce.” Well….yeah…you can… But having just finished a divorce my response is always, “Why the fuck would you want too?” Divorce can be messy, complicated, expensive and heart wrenching. So why go through it if you don’t have to?
Here are some things I have learned from watching myself, my parents, my friends, talking to my therapist and doing a crap load of reading.
1) Don’t get married because “everyone else is.”
2) Don’t get married to someone you have known less than a year
3) Don’t get married because your religion says you need to
4) Don’t get married to someone EVERYONE else hates. (Unless that hate is because of their sex, race or religion)
5) Don’t get married because of a child (Pity proposals women. If you are pregnant when he proposes don’t do it! )
6) Don’t get married if you will have to live in either of your parent’s house afterwards
7) Don’t get married before 25. A HUGE majority of my friends who got married before 25 are divorced now and most on their way to their second or third marriage.
8) Don’t get married because you are afraid to be alone.
9) If you have broken up once chances are you will again, so don’t get married.
10) Don’t marry a habitual cheater. People that have cheated on you more than once will continue to do so if you get married.
Marriage is nice. I enjoyed having someone in the bed with me every night, the comfort their presence added to my life. Knowing that even if I didn’t want to spend time with him right then and there if I needed him he was a) coming home from work soon or b) just in the other room. I like the idea of having kids and growing old with someone. Not in a tied down, old ball and chain, burden or baggage kind of way, but in a partnership, love, family, completion way. I can be a liberal woman who thinks for herself and enjoy being married. Having a partner whether man or woman does not mean you are weak or subservient or can’t be happy without a relationship. It just is what it is. People make it too complicated. Love is love and you build a life within and around it.
Now I am not saying I want to get married again, but I am not opposed to it either.
For those of you who think half of all marriages end in divorce…That is kind of a bunch of crap. When you see a statistics on yearly divorce rates they are not talking about those who were married THAT year. It’s a generalized statistic. Here are some numbers to give you a better look. The divorce rate has actually been dropping because…. Oh yeah people are getting smarter.
In 2002 Arkansas had the highest divorce rate of 6.2 % versus a marriage rate of 14.3 less than half.
In 2006 55% of American were married
In 2008 The U.S.A had a marriage rate of 10.6 and a divorce rate of 5.2, which had decreased from 2000, though is still a little high.
In 2009 (the year I was married) 2,080,000 people got married, and only 840,000 got divorced.
About 2.2 million people were married in 2011 and there about 1 million that got divorced. Remember that is not 1 million of the 2.2 million, just in general a million people divorced.
So things are not as dire as they seem. Get married, get divorced. Just do it educated, responsibly and because it is the right decision for you. No judgement.
Friday, December 7, 2012
As anyone can tell you I have a HUGE interest in serial killers. I have since I was little. Pretty much if it’s serial killer related then I like it. Though I am a little snobby, it can’t just be ANY serial killer. There needs to be something unique. For example the ones that fascinate me at any time or place are ; Jack the Ripper, Elizabeth Bathory, Ted Bundy, and H.H. Holmes.
I also enjoy any tale that has murder in it with off twists. I like a good Angel of Mercy or Poisoned story (especially crazy women who poison like twelve husbands), cults that commit mass suicide and the occasional mass murderer. (Hello, grew up in California, Manson is creepy AND interesting.)
With all the morbid and macabre facts, stories, trivia and crap floating around my head today’s blog is a humorous one. Renee’s Top Ten Ways NOT to Become a Victim of a Serial Killer.
Now, these are my personal little tidbits and rules. They are NOT 100% effective because lets face it… Humans are deranged and sometimes fall outside the patterns and confinements that we set up. There is always a loop hole or an exception.
1) Have a penis. Or do not have a vagina – Yeah this one is kind of hard to change, but statistically speaking most serial killers prey on women. 91 % of serial killers are male
2) Do not be white- Yeah again, hard to do anything about. But serial killers like to kill usually within their own ethnic race and by 2010 52% of all serial killers were white.
3) Do not live in the United States- Yes I know here is a pattern. This is also hard to change if you already live in the U.S, but compared to other countries our serial killer rate is ridiculous.
4) Do not be a cheap easy tart- Okay, that sounds mean and is not always accurate. But most serial killers pray on prostitutes and other sex type workers like consorts and strippers. This is also a good horror movie rule too.
5) Do not be a virgin- yeah ok so now you have to find a nice balance between innocent and harlotville… But serial killers also like young innocent people too. Elizabeth Bathory killed over 600 virgins and bathed in their blood.
6) Do not isolate yourself- this means no walking around by yourself, especially at night and especially in places where no one is around. And if you HAVE to, keep yourself alert and possibly armed.
7) The Three S’s: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t get in vehicles with strangers and don’t take anything from strangers- Yes your mother was right.
8) Do not give out personal information online and if you are doing the online dating thing use common sense, well known sites, public places and BE CAREFUL.
9) Be overweight - yeah well not the HEALTHIEST option. But serial killers tend to like skinny victims because they have to haul around your dead weight.
10) Educate yourself- so know what a predator looks like and use common sense and sound judgment. Read and do not bury your head in the sand. If it seems too good to be true then it is. If your inner warning bells go off, listen to them.
So, yeah those are the top ten. Now here are five basic guidelines just to make sure you don’t wind up in any other horrible scenarios.
A) Do not join a cult or become a religious zealot.
B) If someone other than your normal nurse or doctor tries to medicate you ask questions first.
C) See a therapist if you have thoughts of suicide, depression or murder
D) If someone you know has more than one person in their life die from something questionable do not take food or drink from them.
E) Do not become homeless or run away from home. It makes you an easy target.
So hopefully this amused you and maybe gave you some things to think about. Have a great weekend.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Now a days the schools are filled to the brim with anti bullying propaganda and I say “HERE! HERE!” Because I was bullied and no one really gave a shit. The attitude was more ignored and for me to just suck it up. Elementary school was hell for me. I was over weight, poor, from a divorced family, wore ugly clothes and had short bushy curly hair. Sure I was kind, funny, creative, sweet and nice, but those traits didn’t matter. Even girls I considered friends would betray me or ignore my pain if it meant that they got to hang with the “cool” crowd or not be picked on themselves. Even from the start I knew I didn’t want to be a “popular” girl. They were mean, right? Or at least most of the ones I knew were.
My sixth grade year I went home sick once a week because the tormenting was so bad I just wanted to be left alone. The friends I did have got bullied almost as badly as I did. I had bathrooms doors kicked in on me, names called, secrets sold to be spread around campus. I was tricked, pushed, whispered about and openly laughed at. I was that girl, the one who is thinking, “I wish you would all go and die now.” When I stood up for myself these same bitches and douche bags would be the first to run and tattle, landing me in trouble, simply for sticking up for myself.
I felt alone and sad… I hated school and everything to do with it. I was so excited to start middle school and leave behind all the people who had teased me. My middle school was pretty large and while sure, a lot of the same assholes went there, there were so many new people that I made friends quickly. I became loud, crass, funny and caring. Most of my new friends were in awe by my language and the fact that I seemed so grown up. But those same nasty harlots who had made me miserable would creep up every once in a while to say something horrible. I was always like, “do you SERIOUSLY not have anything better to do?” I learned to ignore them and surround myself with girls meaner than they could EVER possibly be.
High school was amazing. I made a TON of friends and was the center of my tiny social group. I was never popular but I think most people at least knew who I was. Aside from maybe one or two comments no one EVER picked on me again. I made friends with a couple of popular people (you know…the ones who will talk to you in private but not in front of their friends) and the rest left me alone. Thankfully several of the twat waffles that had been so cruel to me went to the other high school.
I did find parts of my personality changed because of my experience. I, in turn, am meaner, harsher, more closed off and more prone to tease others. I try to do it in jest; I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But the past effects us all and those who are bullied a lot of the time grow strong personal defenses which include becoming cruel in our own way. When gossip is fed so often through everyone’s words it is hard to get away from it and stop the cycles. Is gossip good or bad? I think it is like magic neither good or bad, it is the intent that colors whether your teasing or gossiping is right or wrong.
Now as a mother a girls I am super alert to bullying. My daughter has a bully in her class at school, already, and she is only in third grade. This girl has picked on and pushed my daughter, left bruises and threatened to “steal” her friends. When it started in first grade I took care of business. Like a proud and angry Mama bear I had a meeting with the principle and the teacher and made sure this girl was watched and that she sat no where near mine. Last year when she bruised my daughter I called and dealt with the school counselor and the principle, gave them a copy of the picture I took and told them they better take care of it or I would. This year my daughter has been pretty much left alone by this little she-bully. Hopefully this She-Bully has grown up a little or her parents have enforced a stricter social behavioral code. My child has been TAUGHT that being mean to others is wrong. I have explained that I have a zero tolerance for her teasing and being mean to other children.
I wonder about parents of children who become bullies. Are they themselves assholes? Or do they not pay attention and just not care? People need to pay attention. Bullying is a severe problem which leads to kids killing other kids or growing up and being the kind of adults you warn your children about. Or children grow up with other issues like low self esteem. Really alert your children to the types of bullying, physical, verbal, and cyber. Explain to them what to do if they are being teased and that teasing is wrong.
The statistics are horrifying.
One out of seven children are victims of bullying (is one yours?)
More than half of all children witness someone being bullied.
Almost twenty percent of kids skip school to prevent being bullied.
One out of ten students will simply drop out of school because of teasing.
Suicide is the third leading case of death in kids ages 12-18 and gets higher every year. Of these kids more than half were being bullied.
Bullying leads to anxiety, depression, low self esteem, low assertiveness and aggressiveness.
If this isn’t chilling enough:
Tyler Clementi killed himself in 2010 after teasing; Greg Cardarelli in 2004 and Rachel Ehmke in 2012. Phoebe Prince was 15 when she killed herself for the same reason, as did Amanda Cummings in 2012. These are just some of the ones who made the news. Don’t let your child be next.
Websites to Look at:
Information on Bullying and How to Stop it
Statistics of Bullying
Monday, November 26, 2012
So I hope you all had a happy, fulfilling and productive Thanksgiving. I sure did. There may have been some drama, but what holiday is complete without it.
Now there has been a ton of talk in the news about the War on Women and I for one totally think that it’s the truth. Never before have I seen so much propaganda and so many laws making things difficult for women...
This past year the
Monday, November 19, 2012
While yes I feel that if you are going to have sex you need to take responsibility for your actions. Use protection and if that fails then take the morning after pill. I do not think abortion should be used as a form of birth control, “oh yeah! I can have tons of unprotected sex because I can always have an abortion.” Ummmm. No… I don’t think that’s how it should work.
Even the most responsible and mature of us have accidents. I believe being responsible for your actions means making the choice that is right for you. Whether that means having the baby and keeping it, having it and giving it up for adoption or having an abortion. What is NOT responsible is leaving it in a garbage can, on the stairs of an orphanage or smothering it to death and putting it in a shoe box. (Yup true story). Or not making a decision at all.
Women that have abortions or are thinking of having abortions should not be looked down upon. They are not sluts or horrible people…. They may even been Christian for goodness sake! They are not drug users or filthy awful immature women (well maybe SOME are, but not the majority). They are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends, co workers… They are just women, making their own informed choice.
If you take away legal abortions then you will have women still getting them, but doing so illegally, which will raise the maternal death rate in America more than it already is. Plus some women have abortions for medical reasons. If the baby has something seriously wrong with it or if keeping the baby will have detrimental effects to the mother’s health… Or what if it is a child that was created through rape or incest? Taking away legal abortions takes away the options and choices of so many women. Making abortions harder to get doesn’t mean women stop getting them. It just means it stops being a safe and protected alternative.
Oh and abortion should be covered by health insurance, it is a medical procedure and in many countries with Universal Health Care you can have an abortion with your normal doctor and for little or no charge. You don’t want your taxes paying for my abortion? I don’t want my taxes paying for you to destroy the environment or the other ridiculous things taxes pay for right now. Taxes are taxes, pay them shut the fuck up and don’t complain about where they go. This is another ranty topic so I am stopping it right now.
I have had an abortion. I am not proud of it, but I do not regret it. It was a choice I made that at the time was right for me. I am tired of feeling shame over this and tired of the fact that I have to keep it hidden or people judge me. Fuck People! That is not my shame but theirs, I will not conform to what people think I should, feel, do or say. I had an abortion it was my right and my choice. It was not an easy decision, it was painful and I cried throughout the whole thing. I loved the little embryo in my uterus, but I knew that it was not the right time for us to be together. You want to judge me? Go for it, but know when you look around your church, office, neighborhood, grocery store etc….That one out of every three women has probably been where I have been and you are judging us
Helpful Links: http://www.womenscenter.com/abortion_stats.html Abortion statistics
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/abortion-4260.asp Methods of Abortion
Religious Tolerance of abortion, all points of view http://www.aisfor.org/our-ribbon/
A is for.... women's reproductive rights
If someone you know has had an abortion show them support. It is never too late to tell someone you understand and are there to talk.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thankfully vampires have toned down a bit in the last few years, but it left an opening for people to swarm around shape shifters, mermaids, faries, zombies and
So here I go.... With the starting words of "I have loved vampires since I was ten, so bite me if you have problems with my opinion. I am now 29, if you say you love vampires and have never read Dracula you are a poser."
On August 6, 2007, I was standing outside a Barnes and Noble bookstore at 11:55 pm, awaiting the release of the new Stephanie Meyer book Eclipse. Having enjoyed the two previous novels (Twilight and New Moon), I was excited. That is until midnight struck and a horde of screaming girls, with fangs, glitter on their faces and lust in their eyes, almost trampled me. This was my introduction into the world of crazed Twilight fans. When Breaking Dawn, the last book in the series hit the stores, I was in the book store several weeks later buying a different novel and nearly collided with a group of “TEAM EDWARD” shirt wearing, teeny bopper girls discussing how romantic it would be to have a vampire baby; AT EIGHTEEN!! When teenagers emulate the events in the Twilight series their health is affected.
I have read articles about students drawing each other’s blood and wearing it, which leaves most parents concerned about the spread of blood born diseases. It is not just physical health adults are concerned with. In many schools across the United States, teenagers believe biting someone is the only way to show affection, what is worse, teens also bite to show that one belongs to someone else. A sophomore by the name of Pao Hernandez was quoted as saying, “It's a way to belong to somebody, and mark their territory.” Teenagers should not believe that the type of possessiveness found in Twilight and other teen vampire novels is normal or acceptable behavior.
Many of the actions found in Twilight are just the workings of the author, Stephanie Meyer, and not meant to be a model for actual behavior. Some teenagers are not able to distinguish fact from the fantasy world Ms. Meyer has created. Parents of many teenagers worry that their children, especially teenage daughters, have been given unrealistic expectations from the books about love, sex, marriage, and having a baby. Parents do not want their children believing that marriage at 18 and starting a family right away is always a good idea. While yes, the abstinence message has a positive ring to it, teens must remember that in real life boys that get 18 year-old-girls pregnant do not usually marry them or stick around.
Teenagers forget that while Edward is living in the body of a 17- year- old male, he is 104 years old, much older than Bella and his values are from a time period rather out dated. Teens need to be able to rescue themselves and not expect to be “saved” by an overly romanticized hero, or heroine. Bella spends her whole time in Twilight co-dependent on Edward; all her hopes and dreams revolve around him. On a number of levels, this is an unhealthy attitude.
Bella’s deep emotional attachments and co-dependency on Edward are just some of the ways that clearly reflect the anti-feminism sway within the novel. In Twilight, when Bella finds out Edward is a vampire she says, “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” Right there Bella clearly states that it does not matter if Edward wants to kill her, she will love him anyway. What sort of message does this send to other teenagers?
Not to mention Bella has no hobbies or interests outside of cooking for her father and being with her “one true love.” Her favorite books are Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights. Neither are novels I would call romantic. In both cases the “romance” is sick, twisted and disturbing. She cannot take care of herself in any challenging moment and must constantly be “rescued.” Even before she met Edward she had no thoughts of college or any other future plans.
She is quiet to a point of being boring and her character is a stereotypical female with low self-esteem with 1950s views of the roles of men and women. In New Moon, Meyer writes about Bella taking a motorcycle to her friend Jacob Black to fix; Bella says, “I figured I’d have to have a Y chromosome to understand the excitement.” As if a GIRL could not possibly like or be capable of repairing a motorcycle. Bella, like many other times, does not even CONSIDER the possibility of doing it on her own.
But even with all her problems it seems EVERY guy wants to bang her. She is clumsy, not that pretty and dull, but hey… All the hot guys want her and fight over her? That’s TOTALLY what girls should understand when it comes to relationships. Insert my hate of love triangles here.
Not only can Bella not function without a man “saving” her, she chooses to give up her whole world just for the sake of being with a vampire she has known less than a year. In this day and age, how many females have a goal that only consists of serving one man? Sure would I like to marry someone who can afford for me to be a stay at home mom? Hell Yes! But I would also have my writing, my kids, and all my other millions of hobbies and passions. Fuck no would I give up my family or friends.
While most parents do not want their daughters to mimic Bella’s attitude or habits, they also do not want their daughters, or sons, acting like Edward. Edward is plain and simple, a stalker, and the worst kind of boyfriend; one that has to restrain himself from killing his own love interest. He sneaks into her bedroom and watches her sleep without her knowledge, forbids her from seeing her friends, is controlling, and follows her wherever she goes to make sure she stays out of “trouble.” “Edward’s attention to Bella mirrors disturbingly a relationship that would be called abusive in the real world.”
Meyer writes: “I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.” (p. 303.) These words alone are red flags screaming about Edward’s stalker-like and controlling behavior.
With more than 1,000 women murdered in the United States every year by an intimate partner. Plus more than three million stalked by someone they know, it is not a surprise that parents are becoming anti-Twilight and anti-vampire. Even those who have always enjoyed vampires are becoming disenchanted with them.
Twilight is giving vampires a bad reputation. Vampires are not a new concept to America, but because of the Twilight hype people are either in love with the sparkly Stephanie Meyer version or just sick of them all together, deeming them a bad influence. The American literary field has had many novels about vampires that have been quite famous. Many authors have written about vampires and become renowned for their works. This list includes well-known names such as Anne Rice, Laurell K Hamilton and P.N Elrod. All of whom began writing vampire novels before 2000.
Vampire movies are not new to our culture either. Most people who have enjoyed movies about vampires have seen films like: Dracula, Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys. All these classic vampire movies were released more than 10 years ago.
People forget that the book that truly made vampires famous is Dracula by Bram Stoker. His book and other classics like Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, and I Vampire by John Polidori is where Americans get the stereotypes about vampires. Vampires are first and foremost, dark creatures of the night and in most cultures and mythology, demons from the underworld. They are not just beautiful teenagers that are just trying to find love.
Now if you read Rose Blossom, my self published novel you will see some of the tropes that follow most paranormal vampire romance of the YA variety.
Many other vampire writers are upset with this new version of the myth Meyer has created. Quite a few old school vampire fans do not care much for her or the Twilight books at all, seeing them as an affront to all good vampire literature. Laurell K Hamilton, who writes the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, is put off by the Twilight phenomenon. She finds the idea that a woman must wait to find the right guy instead of controlling their own life exceedingly scary. Five famous female vampire writers, including Anne Rice and Charlaine Harris, were asked who their favorite vampire was and who was the first vampire to inspire their writing. Not one chose anything from Twilight or a vampire similar to any found in the Twilight books.
But why? Why are vampires so popular? Why did America latch onto them and refuse to let them slink back into the coffins when the sun rose?
Well because vampires are the literary equivalent to sex and drugs. The love of vampires being like a drug one gets addicted to and is a metaphor for Americans wanting a little more weirdness in their own mundane lives, or perhaps sexual revolution. Vampires also make a superb love interest. They have great stamina and great strength; they are almost always portrayed as rich, beautiful, passionate, protective and dangerous. They fit into the fantasy of most men and women, teen or not, and take it to the next level. Lastly, vampires are supernatural beings. They have magical powers and defy logic, reason and sometimes faith. They live forever and are eternally young. Who wouldn’t want all of that, right?
So yes, vampires CAN BE sexy, aloof, dangerous and mysterious. However Twilight fans must remember that the book IS still a piece of fiction. The characters are not real. There is NO Edward to come to one’s rescue at the end of one’s own personal story. Twilight fans must also realize the possessiveness seen in most young adult vampire novels. Enjoy vampires, but expand from that series into the many great vampire novels and movies that have been produced throughout the years. Take it from this writer, who has read not only classic vampire literature, but more than a dozen teen vampire novels that include the WHOLE Twilight saga.
This is only the beginning.
If you would like to know where some of the information for the blog came from here you go!:
Twilight and Philosophy: Vampires, Vegetarians, and the Pursuit of Immortality. By R Housel and J. Wisnewski
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
“If men got pregnant, there would be safe, reliable methods of birth control. They’d be inexpensive too.”
With the subject of birth control becoming such a big issue in the United States people over look just how many women, adults and teens actually use birth control. Women use birth control to stop unwanted pregnancy, regulate their menstrual cycles, reduce the pain of cramps and even get rid of acne. There is a huge demographic of females using birth control and being over looked in favor of religious fervor and politics.
As of March 2011 it was estimated 62 % of women able to have children used some form of birth control. Of these women 28% use the pill, 5.5 % an IUD, 3.2 the Depo shot and 2.4 a vaginal ring. All of these types of birth control require a doctor to either prescribe them or insert the contraceptive. Less than 20 % of the 62 % chose a method that did not require a trip to clinic or doctor’s office.
There are whole clinics, like Planned Parenthood who make their money from reproductive health services, including providing birth control to those without health insurance. In fact 33.5 % of Planned Parenthood services were birth control related in 2009/2010, only out done by STD testing and treatment at 38 % . In fact the amount og money Planned Parenthood makes from abortions is less than half those amounts.
It is also ridiculous how much time it takes to get birth control at a normal doctor's office. At the Westridge Clinic in Kearns Utah a doctor requires an hour long appointment for the first time birth control is prescribed. If a patient needs birth control right away he/she is more likely to get a same day appointment at a clinic, like the Utah Women’s Clinic. Clinics are easier than waiting days to see a regular doctor.
Of late we have seen a lot politically in regards to birth control legislation. In August of 2011 the Department of Health and Human Services required that all new health insurance companies cover birth control without any cost; however religious institutes, such as Deseret Industries, do not have to cover birth control since it would go against their religious beliefs. Again, stupid, just because you are a religious organization doesn't mean birth control should not be covered. What they are saying here is even MARRIED people should just keep popping out babies that they probably cannot afford because a church still will not have birth control coverage on their super special "privledged" insurance. Nope now you must "sully" yourself by going to a clinic and paying out of pocket. If you think I am being harsh I apoligized. I have spoken to religious women who have had SO much tude while talking about visiting a clinic.
Now while this new legislation does allow many women who before would not be able to afford birth control access to it like I said before many still require places like Planned Parenthood for the majority of their reproductive health services.
Another piece of legislation being thrown around is Defunding Planned Parenthood, which would make birth control out of reach for millions of American women, changing the demographic of women on birth control, tipping them into the demographic of women who have unplanned pregnancies. Thankfully this got over turned, but many states are still trying similar things to get rid of clinics that offer abortions.
Clinics that provide free or low cost birth control are essential to women’s health and the health care industry, which includes the patients. Especially since in February of 2012 Obama declared that while churches and other explicit religious institutions would be excused from the birth control legislation, religiously affiliated business would be required to provide contraception to their employees. After this was announced two senators then put in motion a reversal bill. The fact that birth control has become a huge controversy is a great challenge to the women who actually use and require such services. And it begs the questions... Who cares? Really? Whose business is it if you take birth control? The answer? No one but the woman taking it and perhaps her partner.
Women in the United States benefit greatly from programs that provide information on birth control as well as STD’s, and other women’s health issues. While wellness programs may not decrease cost, educational programs do. When people are educated on STD’s and how their bodies actually work they spend less money on health care. Informing a woman on how to prevent pregnancy means that in the long run the government or her health insurance will spend less money on an unplanned pregnancy and any complications that may come from it. The women herself will also have less costs. Going to the a clinic and spending sixty dollars on a birth control pill prescription is thousands of dollars less than a c-section ten months later.
What women need are more service providers that handle women’s health issues. There need to be more clinics in hospitals and major health care companies that will take insurance but also offer sliding scale, reduce cost or free birth control options. The need for birth control can come up at any time, having to either a) wait days for an appointment or b) rush down to a clinic one is not familiar with can be stressful options. Women need other safe, welcoming options in the health care community for these issues.
As a whole birth control needs to stop being a taboo topic. If everyone was able to openly discuss the need for birth control and see it as a safe and good method for reducing the risk of unwanted pregnancy then there would be fewer challenges. Birth control is a personal option, as a society it needs to be accepted as such and women who take birth control should not be discriminated against, gossiped about or looked down upon. Everyone knows someone who takes birth control whether they are married, single, promiscuous, or virginal. When birth control stops being something debated politically and socially only then will women be able to feel empowered.
Helpful links for birth control:
Birth Control Stats as of March 2012
Obamacare Says Insurance Must Cover Birth Control
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Last night I went to a beautiful movie called Birth Story it was all about awesome Midwife Ina May Gaskin and The Farm Midwives. I am not ashamed to say I cried at the beauty and blessing of watching amazing women help other women give life to their babies.
My best friend is graduating in December to be a nurse and one her goals is to study midwifery under legendary Ina May. I am so proud of my Mary and hope that with the birth on my next child she will be present. I also pray she gets to live her dream and study to be a midwife on The Farm.
Ina May prescribes to the belief that a woman can have a natural childbirth, free of medications and unnecessary c sections and other medical procedures. She has personally attended over 1200 natural births. She speaks about how birth is natural and can be a wonderful experience. Women’s bodies can do it! Too often women are told they cannot do a natural child birth, it is too hard, and it will be too painful. And we believe it, because our OBGYN, a doctor, is telling us this. A doctor is telling us that a c section is the best answer, even though women and other mammals have been birthing babies for thousands of years.
Too often now women schedule c sections and all this surgery and interference has caused the maternal and fetal death statistics to jump up in crazy ways. Midwives believe that pregnancy and birth are normal stages in a woman’s life. They believe that unless there are complications intervention is not needed. They think that birth and pregnancy should be family centered and that as a midwife their responsibility is giving guidance and support throughout the pregnancy and birth. Women should make their own informed choices.
I am an advocate of Natural Child Birth for many reasons. My first daughter was born without an epidermal with three of my best friends supporting and surrounding me. It didn’t go perfectly but I did it. My own body pushed out my daughter and I would not trade that experience for the world. I had a Doula and a Midwife as well.
My second daughter was a c section. I only had the support of my husband at the time and my doctor scared me into it saying the baby was too large for my pelvis to birth her. With more research after wards and listening to midwives and reading I learned what utter crap that was. What I needed was a good support system and to stay at home until the last possible second with people I love cheering me on and telling me I could do it. I hated every second of the c section and every minute after wards. I had no interest in my daughter for at least an hour because I was tired, hungry, sore and freezing.
Needless to say my next baby with be as natural as I can make it and possibly at home if I can swing it. I think everyone woman should at least TRY natural birth before resorting to pain killers. You are supposed to feel something during the giving of life. And there are so many hormones rushing through your system it can feel amazing as well as painful at the same time.
Here are some great links I hope you will look at, even if you think this is all bull shit and you want a “real” doctor and a sterile hospital environment, please please educate yourself, your husband, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife and friends first.
(Certified Nurse Midwives that are recognized by the American Medical Association)
(The Bradley Method, focusing on partner supported child birth)
(A directory of natural birth related service providers)
( The National Women’s Health Alliance which will give you important information about your health care options. This includes medical procedures, devices, medications etc…etc..)
(Doulas of North America, doulas are trained to give mothers emotional, physical and education support)
(Support for women who would like a vaginal birth after a c section)
( Ina May’s Website)
(The Farm Midwives.)
(Spiritual Midwifery, Ina May’s first book, a must read)
(This is Birth Story, the documentary I saw last night. Check it out.)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
If you have a vagina vote OBAMA 2012!
Now. I want to talk about HPV. A really good friend of mine recently got diagnosed with HPV and had to have a LEEP
Human Papillomavirus (or Genital Human Papillomavirus) is the most common sexually transmitted disease in the United States. There are more than 40 different types of HPV and both men and women can get it. HPV is transmitted through sexual intercourse.
Many women and men are not as well informed about HPV as they should be. HPV can have little or no symptoms and, if lucky, ones immune system will cure the HPV in a few years. If not other things may appear as a result of the virus. HPV can develop into genital warts, and cancer. The type of HPV that becomes genital warts does not cause cancer as well; there is no cure for HPV, though there are vaccines.
Every year around twelve thousand women get cervical cancer in the USA; most of these are HPV related. This number does not count the women who contract other HPV associated cancers like anal, vulva and throat, or the men that have it too. There is an estimated 20 million people in America who have HPV and 6 million newly infected people every year. With these numbers it is safe to say that half of all sexually active men and women get HPV at some point.
There are several ways to prevent HPV. The most common ways are to wear a condom during all types of sexual intercourse and to limit the amount of sexual partners one has. The main way to prevent HPV is to receive the vaccination. There are two different vaccinations for HPV. Both vaccines require three shots and both work against the HPV that causes cancer. However, only one of the shots protects against HPV that causes genital warts.
There are some issues with the vaccine, however. For the vaccine to work the best it should be given to children between the ages of 11 and 12 and can only be given up to the age of 26. So, basically, if you are over 26 and either a) did not have the resources or knowledge to get the HPV vaccine, or b) it was not around when you were younger then you are out of luck with being vaccinated against this common STD. Other preventative measures that should be taken with HPV are, for women, to have their regular pap tests and do HPV DNA testing.
There is no cure for HPV. If one gets HPV there are treatment options. Genital warts can be removed and certain medication can be prescribed. Most doctors just recommend waiting; they usually will go away on their own. Since HPV is a virus, genital warts can return. Developing abnormal cells on the cervix is a different matter. Most treatments include freezing the abnormal tissue off, undergoing a LEEP, where a hot wire loop is used, laser treatment or a cone biopsy, all of which are painful, invasive procedures.
In the United State where HPV is so common it is depressing that there are not more large support groups for people who have contracted HPV. A major group is ASHA (American Social Health Association). They give information on not only dealing with HPV, but how ones boyfriend, husband, wife or girlfriend should handle a loved one being diagnosed with this STD. Many people feel that it is a sign of a partner being unfaithful, but this is inaccurate since it can take a long time for HPV symptoms to appear. ASHA also has links to personal stories of HPV to give hope and allow people with HPV to understand they are not the only ones. ASHA also has links to other state support groups like the Washington HPV Hope group.
Another large group that deals with HPV is the National Cervical Cancer Coalition. On the website one can learn even more about HPV, starting with the fact that January is Cervical Cancer Awareness month and how one can contribute to increasing awareness for this type of cancer. The NCCC stresses how 70 % of all women will come in contact with HPV. One can also find all the latest information regarding HPV.
In Utah, aside from ones personal doctor and the women’s clinics, there is not much in the way of information about HPV. There have not been any new screening requirements put in place and there is only 25 thousands dollars a year allocated to public awareness of cervical cancer. Utah Medicaid does cover HPV screening and the vaccination at 100 percent. Since Utah is a conservative state there have been many who try to link young girls getting the HPV vaccination with them becoming sexually active younger. Again, this is bull shit.
With the old fashioned abstinence only laws in Utah many parents do not get their children vaccinated. This correlates with the fact that state legislation ensured that any public awareness campaign had to include that “information about abstinence before and fidelity after marriage being the surest prevention of sexually transmitted diseases including the human papillomavirus." Ridiculous, again just because the vaccine has to do with something that is sexually transmitted does NOT mean it isn't as important as other vaccinations.
HPV is a serious threat to women, and men. In all communities there need to be more programs talking about sexual education and the use of birth control. Children need to be informed on how one contracts an STD and how to prevent it from happening. Abstinence only programs do not work. More funds need to be assigned for HPV prevention and awareness without conservatives becoming upset about whether giving a child a vaccine for an STD will make him or her deicide promiscuity is the way to go. STDs like HPV do not just go away without public health intervention. People need to take an interest in their own health care and the health care of their community.
Links about HPV:
American Social Health Association.
Centers for Disease Control
National Cervical Cancer Coalition
Monday, November 5, 2012
Larry Womack, personal friend, totally AWESOME writer and fellow liberal.
Bats are totally misunderstood creatures. This is the Lubee Bat Conservation. They are trying to educate people about bats and save them. This will be a constant theme since I love bats.
A is For... This is a GREAT organization promoting women's rights in healthcare. It also is talking about not being shamed into silence. Whether because you have sex outside of marriage, have had an abortion or if you have needed Plan B. The idea is based on the Scarlet Letter. I donated and will be getting my red A ribbon asap. I will post a picture of myself wearing it.
What does YOUR A mean to you?
Stories of REAL women who have had abortions. These stories range from relief to sadness, from anger and frustration to gratitude and encouragement. Maybe if people read the words from women who have dealt with this medical procedure they would understand no abortion decision is made simply or easily.
Peach Braxton, she is also on youtube. Check her out, her opinions are in video blogs form normally and are priceless. She is in the same league with Cristina Rad.
Cristina Rad. She is great; you can see her video blogs on youtube.com as well. She is particularly awesome if you are looking for pro atheism and women's rights view points. She is funny too.
To Write Love on Her Arms. This organization is all about the understanding, treatment and prevention of self mutilation, self harm and suicide.
I love this blog, excellent tips and advice for plus size ladies.
Planned Parenthood. Enough said
That’s all for now. I am sure I have more but these are the most important. If you have any feel free to comment.
This is all very new to me. The criticism and conflict this blog may cause might be huge, it might be insignificant. Maybe no one will ever read these things or maybe everyone will and I will become an internet super star. One never knows what path life will take you.
There are so many topics I want to discuss from a woman’s point of view; Abortion, birth control, teen pregnancy, Paganism, being over weight, eating disorders, adultery, parenting and Universal Health Care. Not to mention writing, books and relationships. I want to know how many women out there have the same concerns that I do, especially with the fact that the United States looks to be becoming so conservative and so anti women.
Many things I want to talk about on here are things that I either a)have kept to myself and don’t feel like I should have to and b) are things only my close family and friends know about me.
But how can I expect people to understand my points of view and maybe change things if I can’t even say some of it out loud? How can I expect other women to talk to me, to know I understand them if I am not willing to say it out loud. Will I take heat for this? Sure. Will it be worth it? Goddess I hope so.
So before I do anything else allow me to introduce myself.
I am a plus size recently re married mom. I live in Utah, I am pagan. I take birth control, vote liberal (read democrat) believe in sexual education classes over abstinence only programs, that the USA needs Universal Health Care, think that schools and the government should crack down on bullying, and that marijuana should be made legal.
I am pro choice and all about keeping abortion safe and legal. I believe in the death penalty, separation of church and state, that everyone should be treated fairly and equally, that you have the right to marry anyone you choose and it is no one’s business but your own. I think you should spay and neuter your damn pets, that natural birth is the way to go and midwives are the best bet with a normal pregnancy. I think that welfare is greatly needed and appreciated, that Americans are way too judgmental and people need to be even more involved in suicide and self harm awareness. I am sure I have left things out, but you get the gist of it.
I work full time, in health care, and have been a practicing pagan for 15 years. Basically I don’t give a shit if you don’t like my views or opinions. I don’t care what God you pray to, if you are Atheist or Worships Ya Ya the Tree God from the Kingdom of Forest High.