Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Abortions Trolls #oneinfour

I love the internet it's a place full of beauty and a place full of stupidity and horror.

When I'm sad, bored and stressed nothing makes me feel better than arguing with anti-choice people on my Planned Parenthood and NARAL, Huff Post Women's facebook pages.  I love when they come to a post staunchly pro-abortion and spout their nonsense.

I enjoy seeing women gang up on the young men who think they should have an opinion on how a uterus is used while living with their parents, overly Christian moms in yoga pants and old creepy men who probably wank off to fetus porn.

I love the common arguments I see trolls throw out:

It's a baby! That makes it mmmuuuurrrrdddeerrr! 


It shouldn't be used as birth control!! Waaaahhhh

I have a penis and I think I should be able to tell you what to do with your own body!

I don't understand the concept of bodily autonomy, duh doy.

It's alive because it has a heartbeat at 42 days! I don't get the difference between something being alive and when something is viable. (Cancer is technically alive, just saying.)

Today though I heard a new one. Me and several women arguing with a troll online stopped dead as he told us we were all committers of filicide. Which is the killing of one's son or daughter.

He also posted that over  60 million abortions have been performed since 1973.

I laughed him off the planet because I did not see the "since 1973"  as I was too focused on the fact he had just used the term filicide in relation to abortion.

He corrected me with a website that is literally an abortion clock counting down the abortions since 1973. (Some of the countdowns on this are accurate and some are not) See for yourself:

I apologized, as I had not read his comment as well as I should have. I know how many abortions have been performed since Roe V Wade and his number is correct, if not a little high.

I, in accident, read the statement as " 60 million abortions have been performed within the past year."As a different troll with the same first name had made a similar claim to me a few days prior.

However I am a grown woman who can admit when she is wrong, so I told the old creepy troll I was sorry, yes he is correct about the number. However, that did not make him correct about the term filicide. I explained how a fetus is not a baby and he was using the term to elicit a powerful emotional and visual response, but that he was barking up the wrong tree with that tactic. The women on these pages do not suffer fools.

While I may never understand what makes one person go, "I have the right to tell you what to do with your body" I do understand this it is your own personal opinion and it's fine for you to have one that is factually and scientifically incorrect, mean, racist or hateful. However, these thoughts should not be spewed outside of your own home.

If you are anti-abortion and you want to stalk and linger on a pro-abortion page at least make comments that don't make you sound like a raving lunatic. Pro-Abortion advocates take one look at dramatic hysterical words like; murder, filicide, baby, and anything religious and we roll our eyes and instantly you are just some crazy right-wing conspiracy theorist. It's fun for us to tell you to fuck off and correct your woefully ignorant stance, but we can't take you seriously.

I know I can't change the mind of someone who is anti-choice, but on the same side, you won't change my mind with your fake pictures of abortions, incorrect terminology or twisting of actual abortion science and facts.

At the end of the day if you don't like abortion, don't have one. If you don't have a uterus you get NO SAY!

If you get off on having strong independent women telling you to suck a bag of dicks, fine, but at least admit that to yourself.

I don't go on conservative pages for kicks and troll their god-says-abortion-is-wrong articles.  It would be pointless.

So thank you to all the trolls and bots I've argued with in the past months, you've relieved tension and stress and given me a few good laughs. You've shown me how many amazing women (and men) are out there ready to defend our reproductive rights and reminded me that no matter how stupid your comments are I need to remember to take all the awful in and not miss a word.

And if you are an anti-abortion person and you've stumbled across this blog, I know you will dismiss it all. So, if you take nothing else with you, take this:

Because if you care more about a fetus than a living human woman? You are the evil thing in this world, not a woman accessing healthcare. 

Monday, June 25, 2018

Weird Symptoms of Anxiety- What No One Tells You

I've had anxiety my whole fucking life and every day it seems I learn a new, horrifying or fascinating fact or symptom.

There are so many things you don't learn from a therapist or doctor about anxiety, and this makes sense. Mental illness is a field in which things change all the time and new symptoms, conditions, and treatments are constantly popping up, or they are evolving.

Where I find the most relief for my anxiety is, surprisingly, online. Twitter where hashtags like #anxietylife and #anxietyproblems- show me people JUST LIKE ME.

Where once I would think, "shit I'm just a crazy awful person with a mind full of yuck" now I know I'm not the only one. Other people deal with all the same things. And even better sometimes I find someone who says something and I go: MIND BLOWN. I do that too!!! Then I research and find out, yup that weirdness is a symptom of my chaotic evil brain.

I want others with anxiety to know they are not alone. We aren't even a small group of people. Look around your school, your office, the park or library. Many of the people you see probably suffer from anxiety or some other form of mental illness.

Over the years the following are things I have done and still do that I have figured out is how my anxiety likes to play. I discovered a new one just today! And I am 35 years old! Each time I realize something I do that I can't explain (or hurts me and I can't stop) is actually caused by my anxiety it... Lessens my anxiety! It's not just me! Other people feel like this. Even if my friends and family don't always understand. I know someone out there is having the exact same revelation.

Now I am also very anemic- which does not help my anxiety or my depression. It in fact: MAKES IT WORSE.

So do you suffer from any of these? What are YOUR most common anxiety symptoms?

When I try to sleep and my brain throws at me every mistake I've ever made or replays conversations and tells me how badly I fucked up or what I should have done better.

I wondered if the people in my life really like me, or maybe they all secretly hate me. Example: My husband shows how much he loves me every day. Tells me every day. A month back a spent a week convinced he was going to leave me and might be cheating. A WEEK.

Dwelling on stupid shit and knowing that it is, in fact, stupid but my anxiety won't let me

I sleep for 8+ hours and am just as tired as if I slept for 5.

Sometimes my brain shivers or feels like lightning in my head.

I shake my leg like a dog because I have constant jitters

I chew my tongue, have done this since I was little. I don't even know I'm doing it and have to make an effort to stop. I do this especially if I am tense or stressed.

I have evil dreams about my husband cheating and leaving me or getting fired at work that my brain tries to convince me is reality. I wake up and blink and within minutes my stomach is full of what I call anxiety moths.

I panic about death, how I don't want to die and go into an endless void where I cease to exist.  I think about my own death and how it could happen at any time. I can't get my mind to unfocus on the idea of blinking out of existence.

This was today's anxiety symptom revelation:

I am a people person with high functioning anxiety. I like being the center of attention (on my own terms) can tune out my kids noise pretty much anywhere. Don't like being alone and since I cannot sit with my mind blank (evil thoughts, you know the ones) I always have a book, TV show, music or a video game going in the background. Or I'm on the phone with my mom. I love my crazy house full of kids, cats and my husband. However, sometimes my anxiety causes sensory overload.  Where suddenly dinner smells too strongly, the TV and air conditioner are too loud. I can't stand all my kids crawling on me, pressed against me. I lose my shit. I yell at my kids and storm from the room. I hide in my bedroom for twenty minutes, breathing cool air and trying to find out why I feel so out of sorts, and irrationally annoyed.

My husband always comes in to check on me, because he knows I don't like being alone. Then I feel bad because I just have to tell him to get out, I love him but I need some time to myself. He doesn't always understand that or thinks I'm mad at him. And it's not his fault. I don't go into the bedroom to be alone and if I do I normally a) drag him in with me or b) I am legit angry with him.

I found a thread today of people with anxiety talking about this. Talking about how anxiety can cause sensory overload. There is even a condition called Sensory Overload Anxiety. You do not have to have Sensory Overload Anxiety to experience the symptoms occasionally, however.   For me, this isn't an all the time thing. It happens sometimes, especially if I have been having, what I call, an anxiety high week.

I read and researched this and was so relieved to see that acting so out of my nature like this isn't just me being a huge bitch. It is just another way for my brain to torture me.  To someone without anxiety, this might sound sick, but it is a relief. Relief wielding a double-edged sword. Because like my other anxiety symptoms now I must find a way to cope with it- and even with medication that is a lot harder than it sounds.

Every day is an amazing and frightening new sentence to the story that is my anxiety, how about you?